"Where's Selma" - My Favorite Phrase

“WHERE’S SELMA”

 “… everyone in our group knows Josh, and one of his anchors is to know

where Selma is at any given moment. “Where’s Selma?” can be heard throughout the evening.”

(Eric Linfield, Special Needs Mutual 2005)

As Joshua and I walked down the aisle at the store, he quickly spied his next “target”, tapped them about ten times on the arm to get their attention, then lifted up his hands in his awkward and  questioning gesture, and enthusiastically asked “Where’s Selma?”  That particular stranger at the moment looked startled and slightly confused at the question (Joshua’s pronunciation can be difficult to understand), and at the innocence and sincerity of this six foot one, adult man.  He really wanted to be told the answer to his question!  Once I saw the confused look, or our new friend ask “what?”, I had mastered my reply by quickly telling the stranger, “He’s asking where Selma is!  And I’m Selma.  I’m his Mom.  And I’m right here.”  And we usually ended up having a good laugh together, and then introducing Joshua as he would give them either a handshake, high five or a hug.  We have met hundreds of people throughout the years.  And sometimes in just one errand or activity, we could have met even dozens of people! 

The endearing things about this very typical question of Joshua’s is that he asked where I was when I was right there, or when I was gone.  He would ask the question almost the moment I would walk out the door, and he would ask his school teachers throughout the day.  His pronunciation was priceless, and his sincerity about finding me – even when I was already standing beside him – provided many moments of laughter and memories.  I loved how he called me “Selma” most of the time, and “Mom” sometimes.  I felt the love in his voice and the bond that we shared just by that simple two word phrase.

I miss hearing this special phrase from my special boy!  My brother Doug was able to capture it on video about five times!  This is always a treat to watch.  But since I cannot hear it 100 times a day, I can see it every day on my car license plate.  So if you happen to see my license plate, you can smile to remember a tall, skinny, handsome and friendly young man who loved to know exactly where his Mom was at all times!  

One Sunday, I sat in the congregation, thoroughly enjoying the church services that the special needs youth and leaders were speaking at, and feeling so happy that my handsome young man was a very visible and audible part of this wonderful program.  The next speaker was Eric Linfield, a wonderful leader who was a true friend to Joshua.  Eric started his talk, and as he spoke I soon realized that the theme of his talk was “Where’s Selma.”  I was overwhelmed with gratitude and joy with the beauty and symbolism of his words about the relationship that Joshua and I shared.  This talk was given just seven months before Joshua passed away and has been such a blessing and comfort to me throughout the time before Joshua’s death, and even more so after his death.

Some excerpts from Eric's talk have blessed my life:

Good Morning Brothers and Sisters

My name is Brother Eric Linfield,  I am the Second Counselor in the Young Men’s Presidency of the North Utah County Special Needs Youth Group.

Since most of you do not know who or what we do, I would like to share some facts with you.  We serve an area of 300 square miles which encompasses about 43 stakes, Orem Center Street North to point of the mountain, Eagle Mountain to Alpine. We have 46 Special Needs Boys and 58 Special Needs girls. Because this is a youth program, the members need to be 12 years or older. Our youngest member is 12, and our oldest, is about 58. Each youth is paired with a youth counselor, priest or laurel age, called from the stake on a 9 month mission to serve every Thursday evening from 6:45 to 8:30 August thru May.

Each adult leader is called for a three year position. This is my fourth year. The first three I was a assistant scout master. We have done about 15 merit badges over the last 4 years, gone horse back riding, bowling, camping and the best, dancing. Last year we had a Prom, hosted by 5 young adult wards. Each young woman was a prom queen, and each young man was an escort. You see in their eyes, each of us is that special. The Lord has blessed each of us whom have served with this special vision.

Where’s Selma?!

When I started with the special needs mutual four years ago, I never knew where my journey would take me. While Selma is a real person we have all learned to admire and love, I would like to explain the title of my discussion.

You see Selma was an ordinary woman, with ordinary hopes and dreams. She had dreams of typical family experiences, Newborns, teenagers, missionaries, weddings, and grandchildren. Selma has described these dreams as planning a trip to Italy to see all the ruins and historical sites, only to board a plane bound for her dream experience and winding up in Holland. All her friends had gone to Italy and reported of the great and beautiful things found in Italy, but she would never see Italy, she was “stuck” in Holland. You see Selma became the parent of a special needs child.

All of our special needs parents have similar experiences to Selma’s so why the Name for my talk. Well, everyone in our group knows Josh, and one of his anchors is to know where Selma is at any given moment. “Where’s Selma?” can be heard throughout the evening. Selma is Josh’s Mom. During my four years serving with the special needs I have watched this phenomenon with the special needs youth. Each one always wants to know where their Selma is.

So “where’s Selma, well Selma is that person in our life that we know, no matter what, will be there to comfort us, fight for us, or just listen to us. Selma is that one person that no matter how bad things are going we can look to for a smile that will make everything right.  Selma can be our spouse, our children, our friends, or those that serve with us. She is the smile and a hug that we receive at the end of a long day. She is the partner we have the opportunity to serve with, either as a youth counselor, special needs youth, Assistant Scout Master, young woman’s advisor, or the young men’s president that does the Macarena with you in the middle of all this chaos.

Of course, we all have a Selma available to us at any given moment, he is our savior Jesus Christ, our brother, and our friend who is constantly there watching and listening, just waiting to help us along our path. So if you find yourself in Holland instead of Italy, enjoy the flowers, majestic windmills, or just the beautiful people that surround you. There is truly  beauty all around, when we have love for another.

I have been truly blessed to serve in this calling, and to meet all the parents of the special needs youth and the counselors that serve faithfully every Thursday during the school year. Everyone enters into this calling thinking they will be serving, everyone with out exception has left being served. So don’t worry about finding Selma, she is right there in your hearts, and in the smiles, high-fives, and hugs of those around you. Don’t be afraid to give hugs, high-fives, and smiles a try, you just might discover a whole new dream.

Thank you Eric for giving me a priceless gift of words and thoughts that I will treasure always.

Joshua at a Special Needs Mutual activity!