"You Raise Me Up" by Josh Groban

"You Raise Me Up"

by Josh Groban

joshasheartfullofhugs.blogspot.com

by Selma Anna Larson

This is Joshua's song.  This speaks to every person who was part of his life or crossed his path.  The challenges and joys in raising Joshua, in serving him, in loving him, symbolically raised me up to more than I could be.  I know that divine help was with me every day to lift and strengthen me.  And during the process, I tried to help Joshua be all that he could be.  I did carry him on my back, or shoulders when he was smaller, but I felt like I was also carried on his shoulders as we captured the beauty and joy of family, sacrifice and life together.

I also know that through the strength and power of Jesus Christ I was able to carry Joshua on my back.  I felt the love of Christ for Joshua and for me as we found wonderful joy and love in our journey together each day.  The Book of Mormon has a favorite scripture in Mosiah when the Nephites were feel burdened, they were told, “Lift up your heads and be of good comfort for I know of the covenant which you have made unto me, and I will covenant with my people and deliver them out of bondage.  And I will also ease the burdens which are put upon your shoulders that even you cannot  feel them upon your backs.”  That’s why I could hold him on my back.  And I loved doing it.  (Mosiah 24:14-15.)

I watched in awe of my other four children as they also raised Joshua up through their love, sacrifice, service and understanding to bring him such joy and fun!

Jeremy and Joshua shared a bedroom for 19 years!
Two brothers who shared a birthday and loved unconditionally!

Jamie was his only sister and she loved her brother and she was strong!
She helped with everything - seizures included!

Jacob's love for his brother overflows in this picture.
Joshua knew he was loved!

Janson was the youngest and loved going everywhere with me!
He could make Joshua laugh and smile during his very tough moments!

Since we have never had a normal conversation, our days together were filled with silent understanding, unspoken troubles and sorrows, and sweet bursts of joy!  I was in awe of some tender moments where my heart was burdened with pain and sorrow, and Joshua simply patted my arm or gave me his never ending hugs.

Joshua died of cardiomyopathy which was unexpected and devastating.  His heart was literally twice the size!  This was a spiritual acknowledgement of the huge love Joshua had for everyone he met!  His heart was truly larger than his broken body could hold and so this phrase in the song means even more:  "When I am down and, oh my soul, so weary, when troubles come and my heart burdened be" I think of my angel Joshua raising me up to more than I can be so that I can be with him again someday.  

I love Joshua with all of my heart,, and that heart has a hole in this life that eternity will fill someday. His pure love, innocent spirit, and joyful personality raised me up each and every day.  

I love you Joshua.

When I am down and, oh my soul, so weary

When troubles come and my heart burdened be

Then, I am still and wait here in the silence

Until you come and sit a while with me

You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains

You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas

I am strong, when I am on your shoulders

You raise me up, to more than I can be

You raise me up, to more than I can be

McDonalds Memory Moments for Joshua!

Joshua's Family at McDonalds 2017

McDonalds Memory Moments for Joshua

October 4, 2017

Joshua loved McDonalds!  We often joked as a family that Joshua's love for cheeseburgers and french fries helped the value of McDonalds stock!  

And on this October 4th, 12 years since we lost our special Joshua Boy, I would like to share 12 memories of McDonalds - from his life, and also from after his death.

Joshua's Family at McDonalds 2016

#1 - Cheeseburgers out the Window!  The look on a person's face when Joshua would suddenly throw his whole cheeseburger clear out the car window!  And then french fries might follow!  The total shock and confusion on their faces always brought a smile to our faces.  But Joshua never did understand why we couldn't go back and retrieve his beloved cheeseburger!  (As hard as I tried to keep the windows rolled up, I did have four younger kids in the car and windows did get rolled down quite often!)  Since Joshua loved McDonalds, but loved throwing even more, this was not the only cheeseburger or french fry thrown out the window!  (If they only knew how many times we really did keep the windows and doors closed so this did not happen!) 

Joshua's Grandma Larson!

#2 - The coin collector at McDonalds!  Joshua was always throwing whatever was in reach, and apparently there was a coin within his reach as we drove up to the McDonalds window.  And sure enough, as I rolled the window down, Joshua took his precious coin, and threw it and it sailed quickly right out the window.  But I was completely stunned as it landed perfectly in this little tiny opening in the charity coin collector.  We could not have done that again if we tried!

#3 - Joshua's love for McDonalds cheeseburger, french fries and rootbeer!  I can still see his unique Joshua clap while saying "Donalds" and his excitement as I pulled into the McDonalds parking lot.  

#4 - Joshua's classic "mmmmmm" for yum as he would eat his meal!

#5 - Joshua saying "hi, hi, hi" to everyone inside McDonalds!  (But I had to watch him really close or he might steal someone's french fries!!

Cousins Ashley, Hunter & Ellie at McDonalds!

#6 - The McDonalds workers saying "Hi Josh" as we walked in.  That always touched my heart!

#7 - The McDonalds drive-thru was a lifesaver for me!  If we did not have time to spend inside, I was able to still pull through quickly and get Joshua his yummy cheeseburger, french fries and rootbeer!

#8 - Although the drive-thru was a lifesaver, paying for our food without items thrown out the car window was still a challenge.  But Joshua loved dollars and so I realized that if I gave him a dollar to pay for our food, this diverted his attention from the throwing.  Although I couldn't give him a credit card or $20 bill because his throwing arm was always ready!!  I loved the look on the cashier's face when Joshua would lean his long, skinny arm across me to hand his one dollar bill over, and then the confusion when I would pay for the rest!  It worked, so we just kept doing it!

Joshua's Uncle Chris & Aunt Cynthia!

#9 - McDonalds playland was a favorite!  Joshua loved climbing in the tubes and going down the slides even as he grew taller and taller.  Well one day as I stopped at McDonalds with all of the kids after work, Joshua climbed in the slide, but he got stuck!  Well I was still in a dress from work, but we could not coax him out of the slide, so there I went also, up the tube, carefully, to get my tall, skinny, handsome boy out of the tube!  Ha ha ... I'm sure we had a few looks that we never saw!

Joshua's Uncle John!

#10 - 2013 - It was Christmas time and I was missing Joshua so I prayed for a Joshua moment that day.  As I drove down 820 North in Provo, there was a McDonalds bag standing tall in the middle of the road. So memorable and appropriate!  I couldn't help but think of a double cheeseburger thrown out the window on University Ave with nearby drivers and passengers stunned by this handsome adult young man gleefully tossing that cheeseburger clean out the window!  

Cousins Kenny & Mitchell!

#11 - 2014 - Joshua and Jeremy share a birthday and I bought a McDonalds Gift Card to give to Jeremy from Joshua.  I asked Janson to write a little note to Jeremy with the gift card.  His words were absolutely perfect as if Joshua had wrote them himself.  He told Jeremy "not to throw the cheeseburger out the window."  It really is hard not to!!  

#12 - Each year receiving pictures and messages of family and friends eating at McDonalds on October 4th.  Some of these pictures are displayed in this post.  This touches my heart more than I can say.  McDonalds is the place to be!
#mcdonalds