1,101 Church Meetings -- Page 3
Single Mom Moments
The slaps on my back seemed to reverberate throughout the chapel.
I could hear people’s verbal reaction through shocking gasps.
Through
our attendance at church, I was truly blessed by the kindness and service of
those around us. It was extremely difficult
to bring five children to church alone as a single mom. The younger children were probably not very reverent,
but seemed fairly quiet compared to Joshua. My heart rejoices with gratitude and awe as I
remember kindness after kindness, week after week. I wish I could recount every experience and
thank every person. I can only say that
each act of kindness touched me deeply and helped me more than I could ever
express. I know that it was not an easy
thing to willingly and readily run over to help an adult child who was having
severe aggressive outbursts, or a grand mal seizure. Not only was this Christlike service
displayed so perfectly, but the validation given to me in these moments of
hardship, lifted and carried me throughout Joshua’s life. I was always deeply touched and appreciative,
as I cannot imagine getting through these times alone. As I recount the next few experiences, I hope
that those who have come to my rescue during many similar experiences, will
know that I am personally thanking and acknowledging them as well. These few words that I write cannot begin to hold
all of the compassion, love and service given to me throughout Joshua’s
life.
Joshua
had many seizures in church, and some were minor seizures, and others were
grand mal seizures. I continue to be
touched as I recall men jumping up to immediately help me at the beginning of
those seizures. It sometimes took up to
four of us to carry Joshua out, and lay him in a safe place as he finished
going through the seizures. I was not
left alone during the seizure or after the seizure as sometimes it took quite a
while for Joshua’s aggression to stop after some of the harder seizures. I felt like angels were surrounding me during
those times of compassion and selfless sacrifice.
During
another Sacrament Meeting, our Stake President was giving a talk, when suddenly
Joshua erupted into a very severe aggressive behavior episode. He was making loud noises and beating me on
the back very hard with his hand. The
slaps on my back seemed to reverberate throughout the chapel. I could hear people’s verbal reaction through
shocking gasps. I know that those times
were difficult and surprising to those who had never seen an autistic child act
out so violently. I was once again
touched when Donnie Williams (who was sitting on the stand), quickly helped me
by carrying Joshua quickly out into the hallway.
I knew that this day was particularly hard when later that day a kind friend
at church, Janet Merrill, showed up with a delicious dinner for the whole family. Another friend, Shanna Taylor, brought over
a yummy dessert a little later. I knew that spoke volumes on
how hard Joshua had been at church that day. I lovingly, but jokingly, told Joshua that he
must have been extra hard at church today if we even got dinner and
dessert out of it!!
There have been many Sundays when I felt I had
given too many apologies, was exhausted, and felt like I couldn’t bring Joshua
one more time, and interrupt one more talk, throw one more program, or hit one
more person, etc. I did go home one time in the middle of a church meeting and
cried. I have cried out of frustration, out of lack of knowledge and out of
pain for the situation. But then I was reminded of the goodness of people as I
received blessings each and every Sunday I attended church. A visitor to the
church tapped me on the shoulder expressing sincere, kind and compassionate
words of encouragement and praise. Loving friends stepped up to help over and
over with strong hands and beautiful smiles. A kind and sensitive teenager
brought us cookies after church. The list
goes on and on.
One
of my favorite moments in church was when I walked by the door of priesthood
meetings and could count on seeing the
service and love of the priesthood brethren for Joshua in various ways. Sometimes Joshua would happily be sitting in
the front with the bishopric. Other
times I could see one of the brethren helping him in the congregation by
sitting next to him, chatting with him, or helping him with whatever he needed
at that moment. Evan Frederickson was
there many times for Joshua, and took it upon himself, week after week, to be Joshua’s
helper and special friend.
Another
day, Joshua had found his way up to the choir seats during the Primary portion
of the church meetings. The chapel was
full of primary children and their leaders.
Joshua was in a very stubborn mood and was determined to stay up in
those choir seats. This might have been
fine if he was sitting still and behaving himself, but he most certainly was
not. Joshua was wandering all over the
choir seats, and throwing hymnbooks. The
more I would try to get him off the stands, the harder he became. Since at this time he was over 6 feet tall,
and very strong, it seemed a near impossible task. I knew that he was disrupting the primary
meeting, and was concerned about what to do.
Within a short time, a member of the bishopric, Kyle Fuller, came up to
help me get Joshua out of the chapel. He
was followed shortly after by the rest of the bishopric, Donnie Williams, and
Bishop Brian Jensen. After much struggle
and difficulty, and physical effort, we finally got Joshua out into the
hallway. Exhausted and embarrassed, I
couldn’t help but say to Joshua that he was so hard that day, that it took
three men to help me! Then these three
kind and compassionate men sent me off to my church class with the promise and
assurance that they would be taking care of Joshua. I felt their complete concern and charity for
Joshua, and sacrifice for me, so that I could have a few moment to myself, and
enjoy the teachings of the gospel. I
will always be so appreciative of this sweet experience. In a letter to my missionary son, Jeremy, dated May
31, 2004, I recounted the experience as follows: I had an answer to prayer yesterday at
Church. The last time I taken Joshua to
Church he was very hard. But then again,
that was “normal.” I had arrived at
Church 10 minutes before it started, and Joshua had gotten into the Chapel and
run up to the Choir seats (where Primary Opening Exercises was) and it had
taken over 30 minutes to get him down (along with a few hymnbooks being thrown,
etc.), with the help of two of the Bishopric members. Then we were in the hall for 10 minutes or
so, and the entire Bishopric was helping to calm him down, and then they sent
me to Relief Society for the last 20 minutes.
Then we went through a similar routine for Sunday School, and then
Sacrament Meeting he was very disruptive, and not only was passing out and
collecting hymnbooks, but throwing them as well. Well, I was obviously very worried about
taking him to Church again, and when I prayed I asked Heavenly Father to help
Joshua at Church, to help me know what to do, to help us to have a better
experience. Well, Joshua only took a few
minutes to get into Priesthood Meeting (he walked right in and sat in the front
where the Bishopric sits, but they didn’t mind), and Sunday School only took
about 5 minutes using the rolling chair, and then in Sacrament Meeting,
although he was still passing out and collecting hymnbooks, it was much calmer,
and there was no throwing. So I was very
thankful for this much calmer day.
Joshua’s
battle with seizures seemed like a constant war between safety and injury. For protection from the injuries from his
grand mal seizures, Joshua began wearing a helmet. His first helmet was a typical skateboard
helmet which protected his head only. As
the seizures worsened, he needed a helmet with even more protection, yet
allowed him to eat. We began searching and
searching for just the right helmet and tried several that did not work. Joshua’s Aunt Debbie Anderson also searched hard and
found a downhill biker’s helmet by GYRO with a very secure jaw piece that
jutted out past his chin. Although
Joshua aggressively fought wearing this helmet by hitting and banging, we
lovingly, very firmly and consistently, put this new GYRO helmet on from the time he woke up
until he went to bed (with the exception of a few times when he could safely
sit without fear of injury). Joshua intensely disliked his helmet, but because his fine motor skills were so low, he was not able
to undo the strap which held the helmet secure.
This was a blessing!
Joshua’s
resistance to this helmet is very symbolic of the “helmet of salvation”
referenced in the New Testament. In
Ephesians 6:11-17 we are told to “put on the whole armour of God, that ye may
be able to stand against the wiles of the devil.” Joshua’s helmet was able to lessen the
extremely harmful effects of his seizures with the protection the helmet gave his head. Before Joshua’s helmet, at 6 foot 1 inch, he would
fall like a tree straight down at the onset of a seizure. There was no warning for him or for us. We were able to catch him so many times. But for those times that we weren’t quite
fast enough, we could not always catch him and he had multiple gashes in his head
and chin, broken teeth and two broken jaws.
After Joshua started wearing his helmet, he would still fall down hard from
a seizure, but his new helmet saved him numerous times when we were unable to catch him. 
