Journal Entries by Joshua's Mom

JOURNAL ENTRIES --

“All one had to do was to let you love them,

and they could see the beauty and love that was in your soul.“

July 20, 2006

I just came from sitting beside your grave.  Tears flowed from my eyes as I continue to ache and miss you with my very soul.  I cried, and I touched your sweet face that is on your tombstone.  I thought it very appropriate today that there were several wasps buzzing around your grave, and even lighting on the plant that Janson is growing for you.  I think of Glenn’s story in his funeral talk how the wasps did not bite you, and Vickie’s analogy that even the wasps knew that they did not need to fear you.  All one had to do was to let you love them, and they could see the beauty and love that was in your soul.  I wonder many days how to live without you in my life.  This may seem confusing to the outsider who only saw the work, patience and physical strength it took to care for you, to keep you safe, to keep you happy and to give you a fulfilled life.  But to those who truly knew you and loved you, they know that your pure love, your innocence, your enthusiasm, your humor, your cute personality and the light in your eyes brought an understanding and joy to life that was your special talent and ability to give.  How hard it is for me to do so many things – to walk into church, to go to a family, ward or neighborhood activity, to walk into Glenn’s basketball game, to go to the park, to walk into a store, to go to a party or celebration, etc., etc.  Even I smile myself over this since many of those very activities seemed outwardly hard for me to attend to other people.  I love Glenn’s story about how you high-fived every player on the opposing girl’s basketball team.  I remember that well since it obviously took a few minutes to get to our seat, and there were even a few seconds there where I wondered if we would make it to our seat, and I was certainly relieved when we did make it there.  But the lesson you taught us in those few moments is one of the many daily lessons we all learned from you.  The opposing team was not the enemy, they were our friends, just as every person you passed wherever you went was your friend.  I remember with a smile on the face this one lady that sincerely asked after you gave her one of your big greetings, “Do I know him?” and I responded that you “knew everyone.”  Isn’t that so true?

August 5, 2006

I was always so proud of you, and felt such joy, as you would happily meet as many people as you could, whether it was a quick handshake, a short “hi hi hi” or a “come ‘ere.”  You were the social glue that cemented each activity, as each person knew and felt of your love and friendship.  I LOVED being your Mom, also meeting each person, quickly saying hello (most of the time there wasn’t much time for more than that as you would immediately find someone else to say hello to), and loving the fact that we walked hand in hand, bonded and close, in these many moments of friendship, unity and joy.