This blog was created as a celebration of Joshua boy’s huge heart and life and the daily adventures and blessings of raising a child with autism and epilepsy. And to give encouragement and hope for parents who are raising a child with special needs. I love you forever my Joshua boy! (Joshua Michael Eisenstat --- January 26, 1983 - October 4, 2005)
I love my Joshua moments -- or kisses from heaven as I call them -- that can come at any time - as brief as a bag of McDonalds food in the middle of the road, or as amazing as running into four of Joshua's t-ball friends in the same day! And just two days after Joshua's birthday I had the floodgates of memory and emotion run very deep. I was sitting in my office at Seminaries and Institutes, when the foyer door opened, and a work friend Brooke, was helping an older gentleman in his walker through the doorway. As Brooke helped the gentleman steer the walker into the hallway it got caught and I jumped up and helped him get around the corner. I asked if they needed more help, but at the time they were fine. I started to go back into my office, but saw the gentlemen begin to fall sideways onto the floor. I sprang back over to assist him and helped hold him under his arms, while Brooke held the other side. At the same time one of my bosses, Joel, was at the far end of the hallway and saw what was happening, and immediately ran down the hallway to help hold the gentleman. As we all tried to help him back up, I was fully aware of the familiarity of what I was doing. When the gentleman mentioned he was not allowed to sit on the walker to be pushed down the hall, I immediately suggested a rolling chair that was in my office. They thought that was such a great idea! (I have to give Joshua's teacher Cory Thomas credit for that one!) Anyway, they ended up using a rolling chair from the Family History Center. And then we helped him onto the chair, and Brooke and Joel rolled him down the hall. As I was walking beside them, and the reality of the precious memories of Joshua rushed to the surface, my emotions came like a flood with joy and sorrow, with missing and longing, with sweet memories of a very treasured son. I returned to my office and sat in wonder at what I had just experienced. I had to hold back sobs because I had just had a very precious moment with Joshua. This was my life for years to serve my handsome and special son ... to lift and hold him ... to protect and comfort him. Joshua fell or had seizures without warning multiple times throughout each day! I absolutely miss this pure love and daily sacrifice each day. Joshua was not heavy, and this gentleman was not heavy. The Spirit of Christ was always present, as it was again today. As Joel and I talked to my other boss Doug about the experience, and what a tender mercy from heaven this was, Doug mentioned that perhaps Joshua had pushed the gentlemen over so I could have this very real and precious Joshua moment today! Joshua was quite rambunctious and created a lot of havoc, so that is definitely not beyond the realm of possibility!
As Joshua would have been 33 this week, I did pray for these kisses from heaven! I felt them as I took Jeremy to lunch -- who always loved sharing his birthday with Joshua and who still makes Joshua a part of his birthday! I felt them as Jeremy, Jamie, Jacob, Janson and I tell precious stories and feel our love for each other and for Joshua. I felt them as I attended the Mount Timpanogos Temple on his birthday with my wonderful sister-in-law Debbie, and as I ran into three friends who had special meaning in my life and in Joshua's life. I felt them with Jacob and Janson as we spent time at the grave and ice cream at McDonalds. I loved the family stories and memories, cards and sweet messages (by text and Facebook) and phone calls from family and friends! The floodgates of memories, and of course the floodgates of tears opened wide for me, a very thankful Mom, for some very real sweet moments with my Joshua boy that truly felt like kisses from Heaven!
Joshua and Papa ... Escape into Heaven! February 25, 2015
But now, he has escaped into heaven. And there is no doubt that Joshua was right there saying, "Papa, come here..."
Joshua and Grandpa at one of their favorite places - Zion National Park!
So many memories ... so much joy!
As I sat in my dad's hospital room watching him slip away from this life, I felt so deeply thankful for the blessing to have such an incredible man as my father. He is the epitome of selflessness, hard work, sacrifice, and everything he has done has been for his wife, his children, his family, his church family and work friends. Everything ...
True love, at its finest!
And that makes his death that much more painful and lonely. We always knew of his huge heart and love. We always knew he wanted to help and be there for us. And he and my mom were always there! He died on February 25, 2015, just 3 days before his 90th birthday. He leaves behind a legacy of love with his 12 children, his grandchildren, great-children and many loving family members and friends.
And the love he has shown my Mom, their entire marriage, is inspiring, and a true love story. He showed us everyday how much he loved his "wifie." We always knew she meant everything to him! In fact, we believe he hung on so long because he did not want to be without her.
His 90th birthday is on Saturday, February 28th, and we will love telling stories and examples of his love and sacrifice. The stories are endless, they are powerful, they are full of love, and they are special! He served in the Navy and we all love this awesome and handsome picture of my dad in his Navy uniform.
Grandpa holding Joshua ... a special bond from the start!
My Joshua and his "Papa" had a very special relationship from the day he was born. I can still see my dad, sitting in my hospital room shortly after Joshua was born, and he was just chuckling with joy! Papa loved having Joshua visit. He would beam, he would chuckle. Joshua knew that Papa loved him!! We have hundreds of memories at Zion National Park, at the Sun Valley house, at the St. George house, McDonalds, multiple parks, and many, many other places. In fact, Joshua would make such a mess at the St. George house that right when we would walk in, my dad would hand me a bottle of Windex and a rag. We knew it would certainly be needed within minutes for sure! His fingerprints are probably still all over their house!
My Dad, with sons Carl & Glenn at Joshua's graveside.
Papa was so sad, so devastated when Joshua died. He lost his special buddy! That very night, he and Susie watched slides of Joshua when Susie arrived in town, in the middle of the night. He loved his Joshua! He and I have loved to tell Joshua stories the last 9 years. And I always cherish when he will randomly just say "I miss that boy." I do too, every day!
Just a few days ago, as my Dad lay dying in the hospital from old age and dimentia, I called, and I talked to him - he did not say anything. But after I hung up he said to Mom, Carl, Nancy and Ashley, "Where's Selma?" Then Mom said he said "I saw a picture of Selma." My Dad knew that I would need to hear that wonderful "Where's Selma" phrase. And what a treasure that will always be. His mental health went downhill fast. In fact, they compared his actions to Joshua's behavior. So many memories of Joshua doing the same things that my dad was doing. But our hearts broke at his confusion and his pain. He wanted my brother, John, to help him escape from the hospital.
But now, he has escaped into heaven.
And there is no doubt that Joshua was right there saying,
"Papa, come here..."
We love you Dad and Papa!
Grandpa holding Jeremy and Joshua - Joshua is about to escape!
Joshua and Grandpa on the Narrows Hike in Zion National Park
We have been on that hike countless times!
Joshua being silly, and Grandpa looking on with joy!
Joshua and Grandpa at the beginning of the Narrows Hike at Zion National Park.
Jeremy is holding Jamie's hand behind them.
Grandpa helped Joshua on a flight to St. George, Utah.
This was no easy task -- this would not have been one of the quieter flights for sure!
Joshua and Grandpa at Zions National Park.
It really was a favorite place!
Grandpa, Joshua and friend Brad Barnes at Zion National Park.
Joshua's legs must be tired, but he still loves it!
Grandpa and Joshua both have legs that are more tired as time goes on.
Littlest brother Janson is helping to push Joshua's wheelchair!
Grandpa and Joshua enjoying the Virgin River at Zion National Park.
This is one way to rest tired legs -- just sit and throw rocks in the river!
Joshua, Grandma & Grandpa enjoying a fun moment!
This was the year Joshua passed away but he always found so much
joy in being with family!
Celebrating our Joshua Boy's special life this weekend and reflecting on my gratitude and joy that I am his Mom!! Our hearts broke 9 years ago as we said goodbye, and we hold close to our hearts the time when we will see him again! So if you see a french fry or cheeseburger flying out a car window, you will think of Joshua.
Our tribute is always to give high fives, hugs and handshakes to family, friends and strangers! We miss you and love you forever Joshua!
Thank you to my friend, Karen McCleary for this beautiful MEME in his honor.
My good friend, Joan, sent me this talk shortly after Joshua passed away. She knew I needed to read it, and it certainly spoke right to my heart as Brother Wickman spoke of disabilities and death. His words are beautiful, inspiring and bring much comfort and hope. Here are the first three paragraphs, with the link below. (I have underlined the phrases that spoke right to my heart.) I know his words are true, that as we believe in the goodness of God, of His knowledge of us personally and of our sickness and sorrow, we will feel His strength, and His love, to help us as we trust in His plan for each of us. I was blessed to be able to meet Brother Wickman a few years ago and thank him personally for his inspired words. His talk and testimony are a miracle to me because I felt peace and joy for the promises of eternity. This talk will always hold a special place in my heart. And the MEME below is actually a picture of Joshua's casket with these words by Elder Wickman that spoke personally to me of my love and gratitude for Joshua.
Some of my richest memories are associated with weekend assignments to stake conferences as I have accompanied a stake president in visits to members of his stake wrestling with life’s challenges in courage and faith, especially those who have lost a child or who are struggling valiantly in nursing a sick or crippled or handicapped child. I know from poignant personal experience that there is no night quite so dark as the loss of a child.Neither is there any day quite so long and exhausting as the relentlessness of caring for a child crippled in form or faculty. All such parents can empathize exquisitely with the father of the child afflicted with a “dumb spirit,” who, when admonished by the Savior to believe, responded in anguish of soul, “Lord, I believe; help thou mine unbelief” (see Mark 9:17, 23–24).
And so today I wish to speak to all who are struggling in this laboratory of applied faith that is called mortality—and in particular to those bereaved, burdened, and grieving parents who beseechingly ask, “Why?”
First, please know that grief is the natural by-product of love. One cannot selflessly love another person and not grieve at his suffering or eventual death. The only way to avoid the grief would be to not experience the love; and it is love that gives life its richness and meaning. Hence, what a grieving parent can expect to receive from the Lord in response to earnest supplication may not necessarily be an elimination of grief so much as a sweet reassurance that, whatever his or her circumstances, one’s child is in the tender care of a loving Heavenly Father....
Here is one of my favorite talks on death and grief by Elder Lance B. Wickman, given in October 2002, titled "But If Not." This has brought me much comfort and strength, and through study and prayer, sweet comfort and meaningful experiences. It can be found at: https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2002/10/but-if-not?lang=eng.
I know that Joshua's spirit lives on, that Joshua is working hard for the building up of the Lord's kingdom and that I will see my Joshua Boy again and our reunion filled with sweetness and joy.
Kisses From Heaven - Joshua's 31st Birthday Once again, I smiled, remembering a handsome young man cheering out loud in church after many special musical numbers. I loved that third special kiss blown my way.
January 26th is always a happy, tender, sweet and sad day for me. My two oldest boys were born on the same day! I bought two balloon bouquets and put one on Joshua's grave and gave the other to Jeremy. I wrote about the birth of Joshua's brother on the post titled "Jeremy John Eisenstat." They were always best brothers!
As we have celebrated this special day after Joshua's death, we celebrate Jeremy and the amazing young man he is, and rejoice at all he has done, and all he has yet to do. But we also miss Joshua and think of him and what he would be doing today. No doubt throwing Jeremy's IPhone out the window! But if he did, I also know that Jeremy would completely love him anyway. My scripture reading that morning was 3 Nephi 17 in the Book of Mormon. This is one of my "Joshua" chapters and holds so much meaning as Christ healed the sick and afflicted and blessed the children. I can feel His love for Joshua. This was my first kiss from heaven. This year their birthdays were on a Sunday. As Janson and I sat down at church, I noticed two adorable twin baby boys a couple of rows in front of us. Both of them had helmets on! I smiled and knew that another kiss had just been blown my way. A little while later I was sitting in Primary, with children ages 3 to 11. After a young child gave a talk, a boy about 4 years old, clapped right out loud! Once again, I smiled, remembering a handsome young man cheering out loud in church after many special musical numbers. I loved that third special kiss blown my way.
Then we had a special birthday dinner for Jeremy, his siblings and his girlfriend. Jeremy is such a blessing in our family and carries a spirit of humility ad love. And I love having my kids over and rejoice to be their Mom! One of the gifts from us was a McDonalds Gift Card to Jeremy from Joshua. I asked Janson to write a little note to Jeremy with the gift card. His words were absolutely perfect as if Joshua had wrote them himself. He told Jeremy "not to throw the cheeseburger out the window." It really is hard not to!! Thanks for the fourth kiss blown my way Janson! This was a special, sweet day to rejoice as a mother in my two wonderful sons! And then just six days later I was at a baptism at church when an older man with disabilities talked right out loud in the middle of the meeting. It was all I could do not to jump up and go give him a high five! But I did get to meet him later and shake his hand. That was another beautiful kiss from heaven.
Seven years ago today my nephew Joshua passed from this mortal life at the young age of 22.
He was an autistic kid that had more love in his heart than most of us will ever experience.
He truly was an example of unconditional love we could all learn from. Here's to you Joshua... (Uncle John)
In
sweet and wonderful memory of my precious Joshua, who filled our lives with
pure love. January 26, 1983 - October 4, 2005. I miss him every day, and am
sooo thankful every day to be his Mom! I finally put together beautiful and loving words from family and friends, expressed when I shared some words to a song that says so
much about my journey with Joshua ...
“Now and Forever” by Carole King
Now and forever, you are a part of me
And the memory cuts like a knife
Didn't we find the ecstasy, didn't we share the daylight
When you walked into my life
Now and forever, I'll remember
All the promises still unbroken
And think about all the words between us
That never needed to be spoken
We had a moment, just one moment
That will last beyond a dream, beyond a lifetime
We are the lucky ones
Some people never get to do all we got to do
Now and forever, I will always think of you
Didn't we come together, didn't we live together
Didn't we cry together
Didn't we play together, didn't we love together
And together we lit up the world
I miss the tears, I miss the laughter
I miss the day we met and all that followed after
Sometimes I wish I could always be with you The way we used to do
Now and forever, I will always think of you
Now and forever, I will always be with youabout our very unique and wonderful life together. I
love you my Joshua Boy forever!
“Now and Forever” by Carole King
Now and forever, you are a part of me
And the memory cuts like a knife
Didn't we find the ecstasy, didn't we share the daylight
When you walked into my life
Now and forever, I'll remember
All the promises still unbroken
And think about all the words between us
That never needed to be spoken
We had a moment, just one moment
That will last beyond a dream, beyond a lifetime
We are the lucky ones
Some people never get to do all we got to do
Now and forever, I will always think of you
Didn't we come together, didn't we live together
Didn't we cry together
Didn't we play together, didn't we love together
And together we lit up the world
I miss the tears, I miss the laughter
I miss the day we met and all that followed after
Sometimes I wish I could always be with you
The way we used to do
Now and forever, I will always think of you
Now and forever, I will always be with you
wow,
what a cute picture of you and your precious Joshua, He left a big hole in all
the hearts that he touched and changed! Happy birthday Joshua, you are so
missed
I
have always remember Joshua! and when he would come out of the nursery in
N.Hollywood 3rd Happy to see you picking him up. I love this picture of you
both. It puts more meaning to the saying!"You've Got An Angel On You
Shoulder"! Take care.
Love
that Selma! That pic brings a smile to my face when I see it. It reminds me
when I would watched him and you'd come and pick him up he would want that
piggy back ride to the car. What a boy! What memories...
I
have been thinking about you the past couple of days and remembering our last
time with Joshua getting him into the car to go to the hospital. He must have
been in pain but he still had a smile and little high five, thank you for
sharing him with all of us and letting us have an opportunity to serve him. In
serving him we served Christ and through him we felt Christ's love. Thank you
for bringing that blessing to all of us. Love you Selma, you are such an
amazing person. xoxoxo
Selma,
Joshua boy is very blessed to have you for his mother. I know you loved every
second of his 22 years. I was always in awe when I saw your loving care for
him. You were blessed with amazing qualities. He sure made our Larson family
parties lively, didn't he? I miss our get togethers. I love you and all your
kids. Have a great day! xoxo
One
of my favorite memories of Joshua is watching him (with unrestrained glee) push
his big green tractor down the hill - unmanned........ and then realize
"hey, I just pushed my big green tractor down the hill - unmanned.... and
now its gone :-( It was never gone long before a kind soul would bring it back.
Aaaahhhh - I do miss him! Love you, you're awesome!!
I
love the many, many memories from each of you. He LOVED everyone! And you all
make this day so special, and so tender, and I'm so thankful for amazing family
and friends (and strangers too) who loved Joshua so much and brought him great
fun and joy!
Selma
you just had me in tears. I have loved that song for a whole different reason
and when thought of for you and Joshua it has a whole different meaning. I
loved your son and am so thankful that I got to spend a couple of brief years
as his teacher. His life is such a bright remembrance. Thank you for
brightening my day!
Just
the thought of Joshua sitting on my porch waiting with his Barney tape or
throwing things out the car window brings a smile to my face. I miss his warm
and loving hugs and high fives. Have a wonderful day knowing how blessed we've
been to have him in our lives!
I
loved it when he liked to go for a ride in my car and when he would blow me a
kiss! I love Joshua and you! Two amazing people that have made so many peoples
lives better :)
It
truly is! I remember your video of Joshua and you used this song. It still
brings tears to my eyes and puts thoughts of your beautiful video of Joshua
when I hear it to this day.
This
song always makes me cry, but only because of Joshua!
Connie
Jo Pettis
I
always think of Joshua. He was the first baby I every held. You didn't panic
when I told you. I love him and all your family. Love you so my dear friend.
Nancy
Thompson
So
sorry to hear of the loss of your Son Selma. I'm sorry i didn't get to know
him. Hugs to you xoxo.
Bonnie
Workman
Selma
I remember our Joshua boy. I remember hiding around the corner to see how he
did when he got off the bus to go to the Hansen Planetarium with his school. He
is a doll and the picture says it all.
Love you Selma! I always think of Joshua this time of year! I miss the High 5's, "where's Selma" and his giggle!! He didnt weigh very much but could give me the biggest squeeze when he gave hugs.. I remember being at church one day and he pulled me onto his lap to hug me.. His strength took me by surprise. I also will never forget the beautiful experience in the temple on the 1st anniversary of his passing. One of the best days of my life in more ways than one. You are amazing and will always hold a special place in my heart! Love you!!
Love you too Whitney! I cherish each of those experiences also. I went to the Mt. Timpanogos Temple yesterday and thought a lot about your wedding day, which is a very cherished
Selma, We Love you guys so much and we were all thinking of you , your family and your sweet Joshua:) I always chuckle or happy cry when I think about when he picked up a fly, and I think about the story were the wasps or bees I don't remember witch didn't sting him in Debbies playhouse. I think that he not only had guardian angels but that the wasps or bees and flies knew he was harmless and that he was their friend.
Thinking of you today and loved being reminded of the wonderful ways in which your Joshua touched all of our lives. Hugs, high fives, and handshakes! Love you!
One of these days I'm going to go to TACO BELL in honor of Joshua. I'll never forget the time we went to Taco Bell, and every once in awhile, food was just fly out of the booth!
I was thinking about the grandkids and great-grandkids who have come down since Joshua went up to heaven. I believe he sent them down with a hug, a high five, and a handshake! Sierra Ruby must have been with him just days ago!
Seven years ago today, my big brother Joshua passed away. He was such a blessing and example to everyone who knew him. You will always be loved. I miss you buddy.
reading your shared photos from Jacob and Jeremy, brings back memories that we have of Joshua, and tears to my eyes. He was a wonderful young man, and it has been interesting to see simular behaviors in our Kanu. Love you Selma and your family.Bottom of Form
This might not make sense if you haven't met my nephew Joshua. For those that have, enjoy! Miss ya, Joshua Boy. — with Selma Anna Van Buren and Jamie Eisenstat.
This video is too amazing, precious, funny, beautiful, awesome, goofy, joyful and wonderful!! Joshua loved his bumpy rides! This video is priceless and I will watch it again and again. And even more priceless to hear him call "Jamie!!!"
We went to McDonald's with Thomas and James and told them all about Joshua. Then we came home and watched this video and Thomas asked, "Why isn't he throwing french fries out the door?"
Thinking of Joshua today!!! We love and miss him! I'll be forever grateful that he "approved" of me the first time he met me:) We'll be talking about him with the kids today!! :)
Seven years ago today my nephew Joshua passed from this mortal life at the young age of 22. He was an autistic kid that had more love in his heart than most of us will ever experience. He truly was an example of unconditional love we could all learn from. Here's to you Joshua...
I never had the privilege of meeting Joshua. But everything I was told about him through your family and my in-laws, I truly missed out on meeting an exceptional person. Thank you for sharing his story.
I'm sorry he was taken from you so young. I guess you were blessed with only that little bit of time, but lucky to have a great example of unconditional love. May his memory make you smile. Thanks for sharing his story with us. ♥
