Hymn Books are Flying! A Joshua Treasure!

Hymn Books are Flying!  A Joshua Treasure

My Favorite Hymn Book Memories

Last Sunday, November 20, 2016, I visited a previous ward and neighborhood for a missionary homecoming.  I felt at home, and loved the hugs and reunions with close and treasured friends!  As we talked about a few Joshua memories, Kyle said that Joshua's hymnbook was in the bishop's office and was used for their meetings!  I was so touched, and so very thankful, that this special boy, and his love of hymn books and sharing, was still very much a part of this special ward.  A few (of many) experiences are below.

As a family, we left five hymn books in Joshua's memory with our favorite songs that remind us of him.

The last few years of his life, Joshua discovered hymn books!  And he absolutely loved handing out hymn books to the congregation.  But then again, he also loved collecting them back from people too!  And many times, before the hymn was even finished!  So it was always fun to watch reactions on people as they were given a hymn book by this very tall and handsome young man saying "here ya go" and then to suddenly have that same hymn book taken away right in the middle of the song!  

On March 5, 2016, I received a touching message from my friend, Melissa Hunter, from my Provo home and ward:  "

...  A little while ago I saw a hymn book that said in loving memory of Joshua.  It brought tears to my eyes as I remembered him, and his sweet spirit.  He was very special, and has a wonderful mother."

This message touched my heart deeply.  And I was very thankful for his kindness in sharing, and for the five hymnbooks that are still scattered through the congregation in memory of my special son.

A few hymn book experiences stand out in my mind....

Joshua loved people!  And he noticed and wanted to say hi to everyone!  One day Joshua noticed a gentleman sitting in the back of the congregation, new and alone.  In his very unique and awkward Joshua walk, he rambled over the man and handed him a hymn book.  I could tell the man was touched, and Joshua usually gave his Joshua "one clap" with a huge smile on his face.  But as he went to share a hymn book with the next chosen suspect, I saw him return to the man in the back and give him a 2nd book. They man looked a little confused, and when it happened the 3rd time, he was really not quite sure what to do.  So I did have to slip over and ask the man if he would just keep taking the hymn books as Joshua was so happy to help in this way.  Well, by the time the meeting was over, this gentleman had stacked up 30 hymnbooks -- in 3 stacks of 10!  And Joshua was thrilled with his new friend and all he had done to help him that day!!!

And as shared in an earlier post, my friend Keri Witte, wrote this in a memory book for Joshua:  [M]y favorite memory of Josh was the Sunday he was supposed to speak in Sacrament Meeting.  He sat on the stand, took a hymn book & chucked it – sent it flying clean off the stand.  That was inhibition at its best!  What an unfettered spirit, what a lover of life.  We will miss him.

And another favorite memory of mine was when Joshua was being very disruptive in Sacrament Meeting (which was weekly for sure), and this time as I was struggling to get him out the door into the foyer, I had almost maneuvered him out the door, when he suddenly and quickly grabbed a hymn book and threw it back into the chapel, with a huge gleeful smile on his face.  And then, at last, we made it to the foyer!  But he had had the last word!  :)

And the words of Bishop Jensen at Joshua's funeral, which brought an understanding chuckle to the ward, were as follows:

"It was suggested by a good brother in our ward that we ought to have a ceremonial throwing of hymnbooks at the funeral....  We'll all remember Joshua with kindness."

Thank you to so many people who saw Joshua's love of hymnbooks - whether throwing them or sharing them -- as Joshua's way of helping, and sharing, and loving!

Because of this special connection and love Joshua had for hymn books, his hymn book was placed with him in his casket. It was so fitting and a sweet treasure and memory of a special boy and his love for every person he met!

A Flood of Memories - A Flood of Tears

A Flood of Memories - A Flood of Tears

January 28, 2016

I love my Joshua moments -- or kisses from heaven as I call them -- that can come at any time - as brief as a bag of McDonalds food in the middle of the road, or as amazing as running into four of Joshua's t-ball friends in the same day!

And just two days after Joshua's birthday I had the floodgates of memory and emotion run very deep.  I was sitting in my office at Seminaries and Institutes, when the foyer door opened, and a work friend Brooke, was helping an older gentleman in his walker through the doorway.  As Brooke helped the gentleman steer the walker into the hallway it got caught and I jumped up and helped him get around the corner.  I asked if they needed more help, but at the time they were fine.  I started to go back into my office, but saw the gentlemen begin to fall sideways onto the floor.  I sprang back over to assist him and helped hold him under his arms, while Brooke held the other side.  At the same time one of my bosses, Joel, was at the far end of the hallway and saw what was happening, and immediately ran down the hallway to help hold the gentleman.  As we all tried to help him back up, I was fully aware of the familiarity of what I was doing.  When the gentleman mentioned he was not allowed to sit on the walker to be pushed down the hall, I immediately suggested a rolling chair that was in my office.  They thought that was such a great idea!  (I have to give Joshua's teacher Cory Thomas credit for that one!)  Anyway, they ended up using a rolling chair from the Family History Center.  And then we helped him onto the chair, and Brooke and Joel rolled him down the hall.  As I was walking beside them, and the reality of the precious memories of Joshua rushed to the surface, my emotions came like a flood with joy and sorrow, with missing and longing, with sweet memories of a very treasured son.  

I returned to my office and sat in wonder at what I had just experienced.  I had to hold back sobs because I had just had a very precious moment with Joshua.  This was my life for years to serve my handsome and special son ... to lift and hold him ... to protect and comfort him.  Joshua fell or had seizures without warning multiple times throughout each day!  I absolutely miss this pure love and daily sacrifice each day.  Joshua was not heavy, and this gentleman was not heavy.  The Spirit of Christ was always present, as it was again today.  

As Joel and I talked to my other boss Doug about the experience, and what a tender mercy from heaven this was, Doug mentioned that perhaps Joshua had pushed the gentlemen over so I could have this very real and precious Joshua moment today! Joshua was quite rambunctious and created a lot of havoc, so that is definitely not beyond the realm of possibility!

As Joshua would have been 33 this week, I did pray for these kisses from heaven!  I felt them as I took Jeremy to lunch -- who always loved sharing his birthday with Joshua and who still makes Joshua a part of his birthday!  I felt them as Jeremy, Jamie, Jacob, Janson and I tell precious stories and feel our love for each other and for Joshua.  I felt them as I attended the Mount Timpanogos Temple on his birthday with my wonderful sister-in-law Debbie, and as I ran into three friends who had special meaning in my life and in Joshua's life.  I felt them with Jacob and Janson as we spent time at the grave and ice cream at McDonalds.  I loved the family stories and memories, cards and sweet messages (by text and Facebook) and phone calls from family and friends!

The floodgates of memories, and of course the floodgates of tears opened wide for me, a very thankful Mom, for some very real sweet moments with my Joshua boy that truly felt like kisses from Heaven!

"Like a Broken Vessel" by Elder Jeffrey R. Holland

"Like a Broken Vessel"

by Elder Jeffrey R. Holland

A Favorite General Conference Talk

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints

There were a few times in Joshua's life when I caught a quick but powerful glimpse of him as "normal".  These moments did not last long but left an impression and influence on me to think of what he will be someday, and what he already is in heaven.  I love who Joshua was, even in his disabled mind and body, because I felt like he served and loved all he could with these limited capacities.

In fact, Joshua showed us how to love and live time and time again because the most important things to him were family, friends and service.  He LOVED saying hi and hugging people.  He loved trying to help - even when his efforts actually made more work.  (But I didn't tell him that and he wouldn't have understand that anyway.)  But he was so full of joy when he helped others.  He was the epitome of pure charity and love.

This amazing and inspiring talk has brought me much comfort.  I can picture my incredible son Joshua, already perfect, completely whole and healed, with his outstretched hands of love and joy.  That's who Joshua was in this life, and I will cry tears of joy to see him again someday, perfected, but still serving and loving with that same pure charity and love.

And Elder Holland also spoke so compassionately and eloquently to other emotional challenges and heartaches in this life.  He gives perspective and hope and love.

Thank you Elder Holland for this beautiful testimony.

#generalconference

For the entire talk, here is the link:

https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2013/10/like-a-broken-vessel?lang=eng

Mother's Day Kiss

Mother's Day Kiss

“I have a 21 year old son who will still blow kisses to me in public.”

E-Mail dated  May 7, 2004

Dear Family & Friends:

I realized this morning that Joshua gave me a very classic and special Mother's Day gift last night.   As a little background, this week has been interesting (but that's not unusual) -- there have been too many hits to count each day, too many minutes trying to get him to go somewhere, some harder seizures, a lot of interrupted sleep, a stinky diaper at the wrong time, items thrown out the car window, etc., etc.  Anyway -- we have certainly learned to laugh at all of these.

But, last night at Special Needs Mutual, there was a Court of Honor for all of the Special Needs Scouts.  First of all, I could not get Joshua's Scout shirt on -- no amount of coaxing or force was working, so I gave up.  And then when we arrived at Mutual, they were holding the Court of Honor on the grass outside, but Joshua was use to going inside and would not stay outside, so after he spent a fair amount of time in the Church, his helper Jordan finally coaxed and helped to get him to the grass area.  And then we were relieved when we finally got him to sit down.  Well, he was doing fairly well until it was his troop's turn to go up to the front and receive their awards.  He would absolutely not, no way, go up to the front.  Several of us were coaxing, gently pushing, etc., etc.  And finally his leader thought of putting a chair up there, and that did it.  This prompted Joshua to stand and go to the front, but he would not sit in the leader's chair, he had to carry his own up.  So there he sat at the front -- finally --- with his troop to receive his 5 merit badges.

And then, he looked around, and said "Where's Selma."  I stood and waved.  He spotted me and got excited, and gave his cute little wave back.  And then --- the classic Joshua moment --- HE BLEW ME A KISS!!!

No picture could have captured the love and joy behind his kiss.  And, as I sit in gratitude today for that very special kiss, I realize that I have a 21 YEAR OLD SON WHO WILL STILL BLOW KISSES TO ME IN PUBLIC.  Can you beat that???  That is truly a blessing.

Thanks to all of you for the love you give Joshua -- I hope you all get the same kisses blown to you.

Love,
Selma