"But If Not"
Lance B. Wickman
October 2002
A Favorite General Conference Talk
The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints
My good friend, Joan, sent me this talk shortly after Joshua passed away. She knew I needed to read it, and it certainly spoke right to my heart as Brother Wickman spoke of disabilities and death. His words are beautiful, inspiring and bring much comfort and hope. Here are the first three paragraphs, with the link below. (I have underlined the phrases that spoke right to my heart.) I know his words are true, that as we believe in the goodness of God, of His knowledge of us personally and of our sickness and sorrow, we will feel His strength, and His love, to help us as we trust in His plan for each of us. I was blessed to be able to meet Brother Wickman a few years ago and thank him personally for his inspired words. His talk and testimony are a miracle to me because I felt peace and joy for the promises of eternity. This talk will always hold a special place in my heart.
And the MEME below is actually a picture of Joshua's casket with these words by Elder Wickman that spoke personally to me of my love and gratitude for Joshua.
Some of my richest memories are associated with weekend assignments to stake conferences as I have accompanied a stake president in visits to members of his stake wrestling with life’s challenges in courage and faith, especially those who have lost a child or who are struggling valiantly in nursing a sick or crippled or handicapped child. I know from poignant personal experience that there is no night quite so dark as the loss of a child. Neither is there any day quite so long and exhausting as the relentlessness of caring for a child crippled in form or faculty. All such parents can empathize exquisitely with the father of the child afflicted with a “dumb spirit,” who, when admonished by the Savior to believe, responded in anguish of soul, “Lord, I believe; help thou mine unbelief” (see Mark 9:17, 23–24).
And so today I wish to speak to all who are struggling in this laboratory of applied faith that is called mortality—and in particular to those bereaved, burdened, and grieving parents who beseechingly ask, “Why?”
First, please know that grief is the natural by-product of love. One cannot selflessly love another person and not grieve at his suffering or eventual death. The only way to avoid the grief would be to not experience the love; and it is love that gives life its richness and meaning. Hence, what a grieving parent can expect to receive from the Lord in response to earnest supplication may not necessarily be an elimination of grief so much as a sweet reassurance that, whatever his or her circumstances, one’s child is in the tender care of a loving Heavenly Father....
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