It's Not Fair - Joshua & Girls

"It's Not Fair"

Joshua & Girls

Jeremy was such an amazing brother to Joshua!  But one of the things that was especially hard to understand was how Joshua could get away with hugging all of the cute girls!  One particular experience stands out when we had many of the youth from our church over for a "fireside" meeting at our house.  Annette was there - Jeremy's long-time childhood crush!  Well, just before the meeting started, I noticed Annette sitting at the end of a couch full of other youth.  Of course, Jeremy had spotted her.  But, as brothers do, Joshua also spotted Annette!  

The next thing we knew, in classic Joshua fashion, Joshua had run over to the couch and stood right in front of Annette.  He grabbed her hand and pulled her quickly up to a standing position.  He then plopped down on the couch right in her spot.  But then, the moment that only Joshua could get away with ... he pulled her right down to sit on his lap!  We can hear him now possibly saying "right here" as he pulled her down on his lap.  It was so hysterical.  

Joshua was in heaven.  

And Jeremy was in agony!

And in all seriousness, yet with humor, Jeremy tells me "Mom, it's not fair!"  

Brotherly love ... even in moments like these!

Funeral Talk by Jeremy - Brotherly Love

Funeral Talk by Jeremy
October 8, 2005

Joshua is my special brother. He always has been and he always will be. His passing away was very sudden and unexpected. It was difficult for me to hear the news as it was for everyone. I really wish I could be there, but I'm needed here. [Serving as a missionary for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in the New Zealand Wellington Mission.]

I want to say some things about Joshua that I have been thinking about. He was and is the best big brother that anyone could ever ask for. For 19 years we slept in the same room, we grew up together, we played together and I've heard stories about when were really young and we somehow caused a little bit of trouble together. I'll always have the memories of him laughing and smiling and saying his little funny phrases that everyone loves to imitate. I loved watching him hit rocks with hockey sticks, except when he got ahold of one of my nice $200 sticks and smacked it on the street. I loved watching him tear his shoes apart while riding down neighbors' driveways on skateboards. I loved watching him play sports. I've never ever seen someone as skinny as he was, hit a ball so hard off a tee, and then throw the metal bat to first base, and then not want to go to first base. I loved when he would take a drink, and mix it with another drink, and then drink it and look at us waiting for us to make him laugh while drinking it and spilling whatever the drink was all over the floor. I'll miss giving him hugs and high fives. We often told a little joke about how he has been acting his whole life just as an excuse to hug and kiss every young lady that he sees. Not many people can do that and get away with it. Maybe someday I can be as smooth as Joshua. I've never seen anyone work a VCR like Joshua did. He loved his movies and tapes. If it weren't for Joshua I probably wouldn't be the only 20 year old guy in the world who knows every Barney song by heart. I think my most memorable memory of Joshua was when me and Uncle Doug were giving him a bath. We stood Joshua up to wash his legs and Doug was holding onto him while I bent down to wash his knees, and all of the sudden, I felt something wet trickling on my head!! As you can guess, my big brother pee'd on me. I threw my shirt of and stuck my head under the shower while Joshua and Doug were just cracking up. It was funny. These are memories to last a lifetime. I wouldn't be surprised if, at the end of my life when I meet up with Joshua again he will say, with his arms out, "Wa Hapn?" My heart hurts because of the loss of my special brother, but I also rejoice in the fact that he is free. He is normal. He is no longer tied down to his disabled mortal body. He no longer has to endure the pain of his seizures which were unbearable to watch. He is happy and he is watching out for all of us. He touched literally thousands of lives. I know he is where he needs to be. I know that I will be able to be with him again...forever! This is made possible through the atonement of Jesus Christ. I know that Joshua has been taken home to God where he belongs. How comforting it is to know that. Joshua is in Paradise. He is gone from this challenging and confusing world. I have felt the Savior's love very strongly as I've prayed and also pondered about Joshua boy. He is special and always will be. I love him and miss him. He is a best friend to me. I want to thank everyone who has helped Joshua, or who has even just given him a high five. I'm so thankful for the love that everyone has for this special boy. The Gospel is real and I know we will all see him again. I love you Joshua. In the name of our loving Savior, Jesus Christ, Amen.

Kisses from Heaven - Joshua's 31st Birthday

Kisses From Heaven - Joshua's 31st Birthday

Once again, I smiled, remembering a handsome young man cheering out loud in church 
after many special musical numbers.  I loved that third special kiss blown my way.

 January 26th is always a happy, tender, sweet and sad day for me.  My two oldest boys were born on the same day!  I bought two balloon bouquets and put one on Joshua's grave and gave the other to Jeremy.  I wrote about the birth of Joshua's brother on the post titled "Jeremy John Eisenstat."  They were always best brothers!

As we have celebrated this special day after Joshua's death, we celebrate Jeremy and the amazing young man he is, and rejoice at all he has done, and all he has yet to do.  But we also miss Joshua and think of him and what he would be doing today.  No doubt throwing Jeremy's IPhone out the window!  But if he did, I also know that Jeremy would completely love him anyway.

My scripture reading that morning was 3 Nephi 17 in the Book of Mormon.  This is one of my "Joshua" chapters and holds so much meaning as Christ healed the sick and afflicted and blessed the children.  I can feel His love for Joshua.  This was my first kiss from heaven.

This year their birthdays were on a Sunday.  As Janson and I sat down at church, I noticed two adorable twin baby boys a couple of rows in front of us.  Both of them had helmets on!  I smiled and knew that another kiss had just been blown my way.  

A little while later I was sitting in Primary, with children ages 3 to 11.  After a young child gave a talk, a boy about 4 years old, clapped right out loud!  Once again, I smiled, remembering a handsome young man cheering out loud in church after many special musical numbers.  I loved that third special kiss blown my way.


Then we had a special birthday dinner for Jeremy, his siblings and his girlfriend.  Jeremy is such a blessing in our family and carries a spirit of humility ad love.  And I love having my kids over and rejoice to be their Mom!  One of the gifts from us was a McDonalds Gift Card to Jeremy from Joshua.  I asked Janson to write a little note to Jeremy with the gift card.  His words were absolutely perfect as if Joshua had wrote them himself.  He told Jeremy "not to throw the cheeseburger out the window."  It really is hard not to!!  Thanks for the fourth kiss blown my way Janson!

This was a special, sweet day to rejoice as a mother in my two wonderful sons!

And then just six days later I was at a baptism at church when an older man with disabilities talked right out loud in the middle of the meeting.  It was all I could do not to jump up and go give him a high five!  But I did get to meet him later and shake his hand.  That was another beautiful kiss from heaven.

Jeremy John Eisenstat

1985 --

Jeremy John Eisenstat ---

I thought about how special it was that my first two children had the very same birthday.
I knew this was meaningful, and I felt there was a reason.

On January 26, 1985, during Joshua’s 2^nd birthday party, things became very exciting when just 15 minutes after the party began, my water broke!  That certainly did liven up an already fun party!  I was 38 weeks along, and was not due for two more weeks.  In fact, it's the most exciting party I've ever been too!!  It even took me a minute to realize what had just happened. The party started at 2:00; my water broke about 2:15 and so we quickly went to open gifts, but then my contractions started and we left for the hospital. Jeremy John Eisenstat was born at 6:06pm in the same hospital as Joshua, and we even had the same nurse. What a wonderful, beautiful day!!

My brother Doug, age 14, said about that party:   "I will never forget that day....I actually saw Selma in what appeared to me at the time, to be peeing her pants more than anyone could ever pee their pants....  She was hooking up the net on the ping pong table. I was under the table and glanced up at the right time.....or wrong time depending on how you look at at."

My sister Cynthia, age 17, said:  "Last Saturday, I was thinking about Joshua's 2nd birthday party. I remember all the preparations Selma was working on for the party at our house, and then the announcement that her water broke. Maybe Jeremy wanted to be invited to Joshua's party, too! That was an exciting day!"

My niece Lydia, age 4-1/2 at the time said:  "I remember that day. One of my first memories."

My sister Susie said:  "So, Dad was the funniest. He kept pacing up and down the hall saying, "What are we going to do . . . what are we going to do?" Like he hadn't gone through this 12 times previous with his own kids, and 3 times previous with grandkids!"

I thought about how special it was that my first two children had the very same birthday.  I knew this was meaningful, and I felt there was a reason.  As the years passed, I came to realize more and more the blessings that came to Joshua because of the love and kindness shown by Jeremy and his friends as they would always celebrate with Joshua and include him too.

These two beautiful boys filled my heart with joy. They looked like brothers, but also had their very own unique personalities.  Jeremy seemed to progress very quickly.  In fact, with how quickly he learned things, I began to realize the vast difference in these two boys.

This was a very busy and demanding time as I continued to work full-time.  In planning for my dad's retirement, my parents were planning to move to St. George.  My mom was able to babysit Joshua and Jeremy for a while, but I was very concerned as I knew this would not be for long.  I was very blessed to find a wonderful babysitter, Sharon Pike, who watched Joshua and Jeremy, and my friend Deresa's boys, Michael and Matthew, for the rest of the time we lived in California.

I was also very concerned that Joshua did not pay attention to Jeremy.  It was very strange that Joshua seemed to not even realize there was a baby around. One of the things that concerned me was when he would throw a basketball into the bassinet, not to throw it at the baby, but because it was an ideal “basket” and we could tell there was no realization that a baby was inside. To him, it was just somewhere to throw the ball. His pediatrician told us not to worry as many toddlers digressed when a sibling was born. As I tried to believe my doctor, my heart somehow knew that some of Joshua’s actions were not adjustments to a new sibling, but actually indications of a much bigger problem. 
Joshua also did not hug.  My heart ached for a hug from my son and as I watched other toddlers give their Moms tight hugs, I so ached for my own hugs, that I began teaching Joshua how to hug.  I would place his small arms and hands around my neck and hold them together for my own mother’s hug from my son.  We repeated and practiced this hug for several years.

Then one beautiful day, as my sister Anna was over visiting, I went to give my own hug to Joshua, and, my heart thrilled as for the first time I received my very own precious hug completely given by my Joshua, without any help.  I had no idea at the time that this would be the beginning of years of big hugs as the enlarged heart inside this beautiful little boy was just beginning to manifest itself.  I received the purest, most loving hugs from that day forward, throughout Joshua’s entire life, and through the time of his death.  My heart still aches for my very special Joshua hugs.

... my heart thrilled as for the first time I received my very own precious hug completely given by my Joshua, without any help.

Cousin time continued to be one of our favorite times.  We only lived about 70 miles from Susie and Kyle, and their cute kids, Lydia, Lisa and John.  We loved celebrating holidays and birthdays together, and anything else we could plan to be together.  The cousins really loved each other, and especially John and Joshua had a very special bond.  My heart has always felt much gratitude and joy as John would always call Joshua his "funnest cousin."

Funeral Talk by Jeremy - Joshua's Brother

Funeral Talk by
Jeremy - Joshua's Brother

My heart hurts because of the loss of my special brother, but I also rejoice in the fact that he is free. He is normal. He is no longer tied down to his disabled mortal body. He no longer has to endure the pain of his seizures which were unbearable to watch. He is happy and he is watching out for all of us. He touched literally thousands of lives. 

When Joshua passed away, Jeremy was serving his mission in the New Zealand Wellington Mission for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.  This was one of the hardest phone call we ever had to make. Through much prayer, Jeremy felt the best place for him to be was on his mission and so he stayed in New Zealand.  During this heart-wrenching time, Jeremy wrote this talk and asked that it be read at Joshua's funeral by his dad. Jeremy's inspired words give a wonderful depiction of the relationship he and Joshua shared.  His love, humor and tenderness have always touched my heart.  I love you Jeremy and Joshua!!

Funeral Talk by Jeremy

Joshua is my special brother. He always has been and he always will be. His passing away was very sudden and unexpected. It was difficult for me to hear the news as it was for everyone. I really wish I could be there, but I'm needed here. [Serving in the New Zealand Wellington Mission.] 

I want to say some things about Joshua that I have been thinking about. He was and is the best big brother that anyone could ever ask for. For 19 years we slept in the same room, we grew up together, we played together and I've heard stories about when were really young and we somehow caused a little bit of trouble together. I'll always have the memories of him laughing and smiling and saying his little funny phrases that everyone loves to imitate. I loved watching him hit rocks with hockey sticks, except when he got ahold of one of my nice $200 sticks and smacked it on the street. I loved watching him tear his shoes apart while riding down neighbors' driveways on skateboards. I loved watching him play sports. I've never ever seen someone as skinny as he was, hit a ball so hard off a tee, and then throw the metal bat to first base, and then not want to go to first base. I loved when he would take a drink, and mix it with another drink, and then drink it and look at us waiting for us to make him laugh while drinking it and spilling whatever the drink was all over the floor. I'll miss giving him hugs and high fives. We often told a little joke about how he has been acting his whole life just as an excuse to hug and kiss every young lady that he sees. Not many people can do that and get away with it. Maybe someday I can be as smooth as Joshua. I've never seen anyone work a VCR like Joshua did. He loved his movies and tapes. If it weren't for Joshua I probably wouldn't be the only 20 year old guy in the world who knows every Barney song by heart. I think my most memorable memory of Joshua was when me and Uncle Doug were giving him a bath. We stood Joshua up to wash his legs and Doug was holding onto him while I bent down to wash his knees, and all of the sudden, I felt something wet trickling on my head!! As you can guess, my big brother pee'd on me. I threw my shirt of and stuck my head under the shower while Joshua and Doug were just cracking up. It was funny. These are memories to last a lifetime. I wouldn't be surprised if, at the end of my life when I meet up with Joshua again he will say, with his arms out, "Wa Hapn?" My heart hurts because of the loss of my special brother, but I also rejoice in the fact that he is free. He is normal. He is no longer tied down to his disabled mortal body. He no longer has to endure the pain of his seizures which were unbearable to watch. He is happy and he is watching out for all of us. He touched literally thousands of lives. I know he is where he needs to be. I know that I will be able to be with him again...forever! This is made possible through the atonement of Jesus Christ. I know that Joshua has been taken home to God where he belongs. How comforting it is to know that. Joshua is in Paradise. He is gone from this challenging and confusing world. I have felt the Savior's love very strongly as I've prayed and also pondered about Joshua boy. He is special and always will be. I love him and miss him. He is a best friend to me. I want to thank everyone who has helped Joshua, or who has even just given him a high five. I'm so thankful for the love that everyone has for this special boy. The Gospel is real and I know we will all see him again. I love you Joshua. In the name of our loving Savior, Jesus Christ, Amen.