Hugs of Pure Love and Joy!

Hugs of Pure Love and Joy!

I will never stop missing Joshua's hugs!!  I can't even count how many I would receive in one day!  He gave them freely and lovingly all day long!  Whether I was out of the room for a few seconds, or had been in the room with him for a while, I loved hearing his unique yelling of my name "Selma" with his arms outstretched into the air, walking or running toward me to give his very special Joshua hug.  Family, friends and strangers loved his hugs!  (Although many strangers were a little startled at first, but then would embrace the enthusiasm and love of this special young man!)

Joshua's hugs were so wonderful, so enthusiastic, and so treasured, and completely filled with pure love and joy! 

And we gave him countless hugs back!

I love and cherish the blessing of every single hug I ever received, and have a few pictures of this beautiful blessing!

Joshua and Me!
A favorite and sweet hug while camping!

A brother hug from Jeremy!

A brother hug from Jacob!

The most classic Joshua hug ever!!!
With my youngest brother, "Thee Uncle Mark"

Joshua hugging my brother Glenn's wife,
his Aunt Debbie Larson

Joshua hugging my brother,
his Uncle Carl Larson

Joshua hugging his dad's sister,
Aunt Debbie Anderson

The beginning of a classic hug for
The Uncle Mark!

Hymn Books are Flying! A Joshua Treasure!

Hymn Books are Flying!  A Joshua Treasure

My Favorite Hymn Book Memories

Last Sunday, November 20, 2016, I visited a previous ward and neighborhood for a missionary homecoming.  I felt at home, and loved the hugs and reunions with close and treasured friends!  As we talked about a few Joshua memories, Kyle said that Joshua's hymnbook was in the bishop's office and was used for their meetings!  I was so touched, and so very thankful, that this special boy, and his love of hymn books and sharing, was still very much a part of this special ward.  A few (of many) experiences are below.

As a family, we left five hymn books in Joshua's memory with our favorite songs that remind us of him.

The last few years of his life, Joshua discovered hymn books!  And he absolutely loved handing out hymn books to the congregation.  But then again, he also loved collecting them back from people too!  And many times, before the hymn was even finished!  So it was always fun to watch reactions on people as they were given a hymn book by this very tall and handsome young man saying "here ya go" and then to suddenly have that same hymn book taken away right in the middle of the song!  

On March 5, 2016, I received a touching message from my friend, Melissa Hunter, from my Provo home and ward:  "

...  A little while ago I saw a hymn book that said in loving memory of Joshua.  It brought tears to my eyes as I remembered him, and his sweet spirit.  He was very special, and has a wonderful mother."

This message touched my heart deeply.  And I was very thankful for his kindness in sharing, and for the five hymnbooks that are still scattered through the congregation in memory of my special son.

A few hymn book experiences stand out in my mind....

Joshua loved people!  And he noticed and wanted to say hi to everyone!  One day Joshua noticed a gentleman sitting in the back of the congregation, new and alone.  In his very unique and awkward Joshua walk, he rambled over the man and handed him a hymn book.  I could tell the man was touched, and Joshua usually gave his Joshua "one clap" with a huge smile on his face.  But as he went to share a hymn book with the next chosen suspect, I saw him return to the man in the back and give him a 2nd book. They man looked a little confused, and when it happened the 3rd time, he was really not quite sure what to do.  So I did have to slip over and ask the man if he would just keep taking the hymn books as Joshua was so happy to help in this way.  Well, by the time the meeting was over, this gentleman had stacked up 30 hymnbooks -- in 3 stacks of 10!  And Joshua was thrilled with his new friend and all he had done to help him that day!!!

And as shared in an earlier post, my friend Keri Witte, wrote this in a memory book for Joshua:  [M]y favorite memory of Josh was the Sunday he was supposed to speak in Sacrament Meeting.  He sat on the stand, took a hymn book & chucked it – sent it flying clean off the stand.  That was inhibition at its best!  What an unfettered spirit, what a lover of life.  We will miss him.

And another favorite memory of mine was when Joshua was being very disruptive in Sacrament Meeting (which was weekly for sure), and this time as I was struggling to get him out the door into the foyer, I had almost maneuvered him out the door, when he suddenly and quickly grabbed a hymn book and threw it back into the chapel, with a huge gleeful smile on his face.  And then, at last, we made it to the foyer!  But he had had the last word!  :)

And the words of Bishop Jensen at Joshua's funeral, which brought an understanding chuckle to the ward, were as follows:

"It was suggested by a good brother in our ward that we ought to have a ceremonial throwing of hymnbooks at the funeral....  We'll all remember Joshua with kindness."

Thank you to so many people who saw Joshua's love of hymnbooks - whether throwing them or sharing them -- as Joshua's way of helping, and sharing, and loving!

Because of this special connection and love Joshua had for hymn books, his hymn book was placed with him in his casket. It was so fitting and a sweet treasure and memory of a special boy and his love for every person he met!

McDonald's Coin Collector - A Perfect Throw

McDonalds Coin Collector - A Perfect Throw

So if you read the post about ordering our food through a one inch crack in the window, you might have wondered how we managed to get our food!  Stay tuned for that one.  But here is one amazing throw we will always remember!

Joshua loved McDonalds!  And so we all loved McDonalds!  We went through the drive-thru enough times that we definitely had fun experiences.

But as I drove through a few weeks ago, and saw one of those charity coin collectors, I had to smile to think of Joshua's perfect throw many years ago!

Joshua was always throwing whatever was in reach, and apparently there was a coin within his reach as we drove up to the McDonalds window.  And sure enough, as I rolled the window down, Joshua took his precious coin, and threw it and it sailed quickly right out the window.  But I was completely stunned as it landed perfectly in this little tiny opening in the charity coin collector.  We could not have done that again if we tried!

Just one of many fun, and sweet moments with our Joshua boy!  

Life was always interesting for sure!

It's Not Fair - Joshua & Girls

"It's Not Fair"

Joshua & Girls

Jeremy was such an amazing brother to Joshua!  But one of the things that was especially hard to understand was how Joshua could get away with hugging all of the cute girls!  One particular experience stands out when we had many of the youth from our church over for a "fireside" meeting at our house.  Annette was there - Jeremy's long-time childhood crush!  Well, just before the meeting started, I noticed Annette sitting at the end of a couch full of other youth.  Of course, Jeremy had spotted her.  But, as brothers do, Joshua also spotted Annette!  

The next thing we knew, in classic Joshua fashion, Joshua had run over to the couch and stood right in front of Annette.  He grabbed her hand and pulled her quickly up to a standing position.  He then plopped down on the couch right in her spot.  But then, the moment that only Joshua could get away with ... he pulled her right down to sit on his lap!  We can hear him now possibly saying "right here" as he pulled her down on his lap.  It was so hysterical.  

Joshua was in heaven.  

And Jeremy was in agony!

And in all seriousness, yet with humor, Jeremy tells me "Mom, it's not fair!"  

Brotherly love ... even in moments like these!

A Flood of Memories - A Flood of Tears

A Flood of Memories - A Flood of Tears

January 28, 2016

I love my Joshua moments -- or kisses from heaven as I call them -- that can come at any time - as brief as a bag of McDonalds food in the middle of the road, or as amazing as running into four of Joshua's t-ball friends in the same day!

And just two days after Joshua's birthday I had the floodgates of memory and emotion run very deep.  I was sitting in my office at Seminaries and Institutes, when the foyer door opened, and a work friend Brooke, was helping an older gentleman in his walker through the doorway.  As Brooke helped the gentleman steer the walker into the hallway it got caught and I jumped up and helped him get around the corner.  I asked if they needed more help, but at the time they were fine.  I started to go back into my office, but saw the gentlemen begin to fall sideways onto the floor.  I sprang back over to assist him and helped hold him under his arms, while Brooke held the other side.  At the same time one of my bosses, Joel, was at the far end of the hallway and saw what was happening, and immediately ran down the hallway to help hold the gentleman.  As we all tried to help him back up, I was fully aware of the familiarity of what I was doing.  When the gentleman mentioned he was not allowed to sit on the walker to be pushed down the hall, I immediately suggested a rolling chair that was in my office.  They thought that was such a great idea!  (I have to give Joshua's teacher Cory Thomas credit for that one!)  Anyway, they ended up using a rolling chair from the Family History Center.  And then we helped him onto the chair, and Brooke and Joel rolled him down the hall.  As I was walking beside them, and the reality of the precious memories of Joshua rushed to the surface, my emotions came like a flood with joy and sorrow, with missing and longing, with sweet memories of a very treasured son.  

I returned to my office and sat in wonder at what I had just experienced.  I had to hold back sobs because I had just had a very precious moment with Joshua.  This was my life for years to serve my handsome and special son ... to lift and hold him ... to protect and comfort him.  Joshua fell or had seizures without warning multiple times throughout each day!  I absolutely miss this pure love and daily sacrifice each day.  Joshua was not heavy, and this gentleman was not heavy.  The Spirit of Christ was always present, as it was again today.  

As Joel and I talked to my other boss Doug about the experience, and what a tender mercy from heaven this was, Doug mentioned that perhaps Joshua had pushed the gentlemen over so I could have this very real and precious Joshua moment today! Joshua was quite rambunctious and created a lot of havoc, so that is definitely not beyond the realm of possibility!

As Joshua would have been 33 this week, I did pray for these kisses from heaven!  I felt them as I took Jeremy to lunch -- who always loved sharing his birthday with Joshua and who still makes Joshua a part of his birthday!  I felt them as Jeremy, Jamie, Jacob, Janson and I tell precious stories and feel our love for each other and for Joshua.  I felt them as I attended the Mount Timpanogos Temple on his birthday with my wonderful sister-in-law Debbie, and as I ran into three friends who had special meaning in my life and in Joshua's life.  I felt them with Jacob and Janson as we spent time at the grave and ice cream at McDonalds.  I loved the family stories and memories, cards and sweet messages (by text and Facebook) and phone calls from family and friends!

The floodgates of memories, and of course the floodgates of tears opened wide for me, a very thankful Mom, for some very real sweet moments with my Joshua boy that truly felt like kisses from Heaven!

Pictures of the Week - Birthday Time

Pictures of the Week

January 26, 2016

This week was birthday week for Joshua and Jeremy!  Jeremy turned 31!  And Joshua would have been 33!  


We celebrate the lives of both of these special young men!!

I had lunch with Jeremy at Olive Garden.  We ate too much, but every bite was incredibly delicious!  I love Mother/Son time!!

And then later Jacob, Janson, Sydney and I went to Joshua's grave and put balloons on the grave, shared a few stories and then went to Joshua's favorite McDonalds in Pleasant Grove.  It was too cold to stay at the grave very long, but I always touch his sweet face on his picture and say "I love you."  He is our angel in heaven and we are so blessed to be his family!

Jeremy "Bruder" Thank You!

Jeremy "Bruder" Best Buddy

Happy Birthday and Thank You!

Joshua and Jeremy are birthday best buddies and as Joshua would say "Jemma bruder."  He loved looking for Jeremy and would give his classic Joshua laugh when he would find him!  I loved the love and joy Joshua had for Jeremy!  And although Joshua was two years older, Jeremy was the best "big" brother he could have had!

As I think of these two boys, who shared a bedroom for 19 years, and their special bond, I would like to thank Jeremy for his love, for his sacrifice, for his understanding, and for the many experiences and joys he brought to Joshua.

Some favorite Jeremy and Joshua memories are:

• Taking two pre-school boys everywhere together - the park, McDonalds, swimming and more!
• Jeremy's obedience and calm personality as I was usually chasing Joshua, while Jeremy obediently followed along.
• Jeremy being the "big" brother even at a young age - he loved to help Joshua!
• When Joshua peed on Jeremy's head when he was helping bathe him with Uncle Doug!  Such innocence for Joshua, and such a great sense of humor for Jeremy!
• Jeremy helping with diapers, baths, seizures and many other hard moments!
• Jeremy taking Joshua "cruising" to meet cute girls!
• Jeremy and his friends including Joshua at Jeremy's birthday party -- Joshua always felt so special with so many friends!
• Joshua yelling out Jeremy's name in the middle of church:  "Jemma Bruder!!!"  And of course the classic Joshua laugh would often follow!
• Joshua looking for Jeremy in the middle of the night if he would wake up.  This always brought him so much comfort.
• Jeremy's total understanding when a full bag of McDonalds food was suddenly thrown out on to the ice during a hockey practice!
• Jeremy's heartache as he would witness and help with Joshua's tough seizures.
• Pure brotherly love and more!!

And the pictures below say so much about their very special relationship.  Happy birthday Jeremy and Happy Birthday Joshua.  I love my boys!!!