Running Fun!

Running Fun!

Thanks Joshua for your example of love to every person you would see

In trying to stay healthy, I took up running a couple of years ago.  I will write more on that later.  But one of my favorite things I like to do is to honor Joshua while I'm running by saying "hi" to people I pass.  Most people are not expecting it, but I love to see their beautiful smiles back.  Thanks Joshua for your example of love to every person you would see.

And to make it better ... the majority of the time I see a McDonalds cup, bag or french fry box on the sidewalk or on the road. 

Who knew how beautiful trash could be!

Joy in the Waiting Room

Joy in the Waiting Room

"Are you the Mom of that cute boy I love?"

As I parked my car at the Tri City Medical Clinic in American Fork, Utah I had a flood of sweet and fun memories wash over me thinking of the many hours I had spent in this waiting room while raising my five children through all of the various medical needs of babies and children.  It had been well over 10 years since I had been here, and I was here to ask for my youngest son's immunization records.  (Tri City Medical Clinic is now Premier Family Medical Clinic.)

I thought about the many adventures in the waiting room with Joshua and usually two or three more young children, and the commotion and ruckus we always caused.  I always said that if you were ever bored or tired in a waiting room, just wait until Joshua walked in the room!!  He loved to meet every single person in the waiting room and behind the desk.  He shared his videos and books, sometimes putting them right in someone's face.  He said "hi" too many times to count.  He shook hands, gave high fives and pulled and patted arms.  And of course he threw things!  I remembered many kind and loving workers and patients.

Now as I walked in, I wanted to ask if anyone had worked there longer than 10 years so that I could ask if they remembered Joshua.  I felt a little silly, but I was determined to ask that before I left.  But I didn't even have to ask... 

As I was finishing up at the desk, the cute lady (Jodi) at the other desk suddenly asked:

"Are you the Mom of that cute boy I love?"

Joy and wonder overtook me as I excitedly answered "yes!"  You remember Joshua?  And then Jodi went on to talk about how much she loved it when Joshua came in and how he loved to share his book with her and show her the pages.  And I remembered too the kindness and patience and love Jodi gave to him when he repeatedly shared his book.  And then Jodi said "He was a joy."  And at that moment, she gave me the gift of joy.

As she reminisced, and we talked about his video tapes and greetings to people, Kelli, her co-worker, also remembered Joshua and we just talked and remembered sweet times together.

Their words will always be a treasured gift as these wonderful, beautiful ladies remembered and loved my very special son.  It is always difficult and heart-breaking to tell people who loved him that he had died.  And this was no different.  They were touched by the symbolism of his dying of an enlarged heart.  And their love for him is another drop of healing as I miss my precious son every day. 

I am so thankful for this sweet and precious gift of today.

A Puddle Story

A Puddle Story

Thank you splash man, for your understanding and forgiveness!

A few years ago it was raining, and I saw some puddles, and started telling the kids in the car how much I missed driving in the rain with Joshua in the car because he LOVED puddles!!  Well, to illustrate my point, and to talk about how great Joshua's laugh was when we would drive through a puddle, I saw a puddle to the side of the road, and I veered the car over a bit, drove right through that puddle, and watched the wonderful splash while remembering sweet, joyous times with puddles.  When suddenly I noticed!!! ... to my horror ... there was a person on the sidewalk and I had just splashed him!!!  I should have stopped, but I gasped, and hoped with all of my heart, that he would forgive me.  Especially since I was driving my car with the "WRSELMA" license plate!

The reality is, of course,  he never knew the joy and sweet memory that had just been re-lived.

Thank you splash man, for your understanding and forgiveness!

Joshua Eisenstat Memorial Scholarship

Joshua Eisenstat Memorial Scholarship

Weber State University

April 15, 2014

 

Joshua did not complete very many sentences, and Joshua wasn’t into the performing arts, 

but Joshua loved, loved, loved counting.

Donor:
Mark Larson - Joshua's Uncle
 
Mark's Tribute Read by:
Ashley Larson - Joshua's Cousin

Presented by:
Selma Van Buren - Joshua's Mom
Hunter Joshua Larson - Joshua's Cousin
Ellie Rose Larson - Joshua's Cousin

Mark's Tribute:
The Joshua Eisenstat Memorial Scholarship is named after Mark's nephew who was six years younger than him. He was autistic and was mentally between two and three years old. They were the best of friends his entire life and he always tried to see Joshua after a stressful finals week, for the only math he cared that Mark could do was count to ten if they were boxing, or three if they were wrestling. A little over two years after Mark graduated, Joshua passed away at age 22. This scholarship is in his honor, and to support mathematics here at Weber State. Mark feels a math scholarship is appropriate, as Joshua did not know any historical facts, Joshua did not complete very many sentences, and Joshua wasn’t into the performing arts, but Joshua loved, loved, loved counting.

 

Evening Highlights:
 

1. Driving with Hunter and Ellie to Ogden and Hunter asking me to "tell him a story." We told lots of Joshua stories!
2. Hunter's bloody nose - so sad!
3. The happy news that my cute niece Ashley was going to the program with us!
4. Presenting the award together as Ashley read Mark's tribute, and Hunter and Ellie stood with us.
5. Cookies and strawberries!
6. The museum in the Lind Lecture Hall.
7. McDonalds!!
8. Ice Cream.
9. Throwing a french fry out the window!!
10. But we missed having Uncle Mark there!!!

Hugs from Heaven!

Hugs from Heaven!!

I should have been keeping track of these as there have been

many more than these, from siblings calling at just the right time,

to timely letters and sweet memories.  I will try to keep up on them

as they occur, and hope to remember the ones in the past year.

Spring 2006 – I went to Target and right away ran into Heidi Dixon from my Pleasant Grove Ward.  My memory of her and Joshua happened at Target a few years earlier when Joshua threw his video tape behind a counter, and I could not reach it.  I finally had to leave it there, which was so difficult.  Joshua just did not understand the cause and effect rule.  Later that night, Heidi came over to bring me a video tape!  I was totally confused how she could be holding the same tape Joshua had thrown behind the counter earlier that day.  But Heidi was shopping at Target later that day and had seen the video tape at the cashier's counter, and saw Joshua's name written on it.  She then told the cashier that she knew who that tape belonged to.  She brought it over that night, much to my surprise and delight.

Summer 2006 – Hunter Joshua Larson (age 10 months) gives the classic Joshua wave good bye – he had never done it before

Summer 2006 – Glenn is driving down Geneva Road and sees a whole loaf of bread in the middle of the road; then a half mile later he sees another one.  He calls me and sends a family e-mail and wonders if Joshua’s spiritual twin is out there.

August 2006 – In the wee hours of the morning, I heard several knocks on the bedroom wall.  I almost thought Joshua was really there.  It also brought many sweet memories of his trademark knock.

September 4, 2006 – Selma & Janson go bowling, and always think about Joshua when bowling.  At the bowling alley, “You Raise Me Up” comes over the loud speakers.

 

September 6, 2006 – Selma takes Jason Clarke to a last minute dental appt., and it is at Dr. McBee’s office (Joshua’s jaw surgeon).  A few minutes after arriving in the waiting room, “You Raise Me Up” comes on their radio.

September 7, 2006 – It is the Opening Social for the Special Needs Mutual and Glenn is the DJ.  Selma is too emotional to go, but Glenn calls her when he plays “You Raise Me Up.”

September 8, 2006 – Selma gets her haircut from Whitney (who is getting married on Joshua’s death anniversary and she keeps a picture of Joshua on her dresser).  Right when Selma sits down in the salon chair, “I Hope You Dance” comes on their radio.

 

April 4, 2013 – Doug & Rochelle were in St. George.  Doug sent this Facebook message.  “One of our highlights from our trip that is still going on in St. George. We took a bunch of bread to feed the ducks and birds at the golf course by Mom and dads house and when we ran out of bread, Kaylee picked up a rock and threw it. I said, "Kaylee, don 't throw rocks at the ducks." She responded, "But I'm throwing them for Joshua". Now how can you say no to that?”









April 10, 2014 - Selma is at FedEx to scan pictures of Joshua.  “I Hope You Dance” begins playing as she approaches the scanner.
 
2012 – 2014
Selma begins running.  A good part of the time, she sees a McDonalds bag or cup in the road or in the dirt.  It really was always a happy place.  Joshua is smiling!

My "Stop Sign" Dream - "One More Day"

My “Stop Sign” Dream

I did feel that I was given a few moments with Joshua, to hear his wonderful and joyous laugh,

to see his gleeful run and to know with all of my heart that he lives.

Last night I had a dream with Joshua!!  This is a huge blessing as there have only been a few other times.  And I definitely want to see him “one more time” as he would say.  My first dream about 8 years ago I was able to reach down and hug him again.  And even though in my dream he was alive, I knew even in my dream, what a special and beautiful hug I had just been given.  I loved that hug!!

In my dream last night, which seemed so real, Joshua was running with his special, awkward run (no surprise) while carrying a Stop sign (which was surprising).  He has never carried a Stop sign!  Joshua was happy, he was laughing and he was running so very fast!!  I loved hearing his joy-filled laugh again!  Because he was running so fast the only way for me to catch him was to quickly hop in my car and drive to the spot I could see him, which was on a canyon road near some men working.  But the closer I got, sadly, the more impossible it was to catch him.  But he kept holding the Stop sign.  And then suddenly, Joshua disappeared around the corner.  I drove and drove, looking and looking for him.  I wanted to find him so very badly, and save him from getting hurt, and hug him and love him.  Throughout his life, I was always fearful he would get hit by a car.  But sadly, I could not find him anywhere!  I wanted so badly to call for help, but even in my dream, I knew that there was no one that could help me to find him, since he was really dead.  As dreams go, I was unable to find him again.  And as I woke up, it made sense that I could not.  Even though I still wished I had caught him and hugged him, laughed with him and given him a few high fives!  But I did feel that I was given a few moments with Joshua, to hear his wonderful and joyous laugh, to see his gleeful run and to know with all of my heart that he lives. 

Alma 40:11-12 in the Book of Mormon read:

11 Now, concerning the ^astate of the soul between ^bdeath and the resurrection—Behold, it has been made known unto me by an angel, that the spirits of all men, as soon as they are departed from this mortal body, yea, the spirits of all men, whether they be good or evil, are ^ctaken ^dhome to that God who gave them life.

12 And then shall it come to pass, that the spirits of those who are righteous are received into a state of ^ahappiness, which is called ^bparadise, a state of rest, a state of ^cpeace, where they shall rest from all their troubles and from all care, and sorrow.

I know that Joshua is at home with God, and is healed and happy.

These moments also remind me of a wonderful song.  I listen to it often, and the words are so true and so beautiful.

 “One More Day”

By:  Diamond Rio

Last night I had a crazy dream

A wish was granted just for me

It could be for anything

I didn't ask for money

Or a manion in Malibu

I simply wished, for one more day with you

One more day

One more time

 One more sunset, maybe I'd be satisfied
But then again
I know what it would do
Leave me wishing still, for one more day with you

First thing I'd do, is pray for time to crawl
Then I'd unplug the telephone
And keep the TV off
I'd hold you every second
Say a million I love you's
That's what I'd do, with one more day with you
One more day
One more time
One more sunset, maybe I'd be satisfied
But then again
I know what it would do
Leave me wishing still, for one more day with you

Leave me wishing still, for one more day
Leave me wishing still, for one more day

Cousin Love!

Cousin Love

"But I'm throwing them for Joshua". Now how can you say no to that?”

April 4, 2013 –

My brother Doug and his wife Rochelle were in St. George.  Doug sent me this Facebook message.  “One of our highlights from our trip that is still going on in St. George. We took a bunch of bread to feed the ducks and birds at the golf course by Mom and Dad's house and when we ran out of bread, Kaylee picked up a rock and threw it. 
I said, "Kaylee, don't throw rocks at the ducks." She responded, "But I'm throwing them for Joshua". Now how can you say no to that?”

Priceless!  I love that the cousins who have not met Joshua in this life, yet still know him because he is kept alive through many stories, sweet memories, fun talks and love.