Christmas Candles at Joshua's Grave

Christmas Candles at Joshua's Grave

Jeremy, Jacob, Janson, Jamie and Selma 2014

Me - 2017

Our family tradition is for the kids to all stay overnight on Christmas Eve.  I love this - especially since they are all young adults now!  But it is never complete because we miss our Joshua boy!  This year, we brought candles, a small Christmas tree and decorations and went to Joshua's grave Christmas Eve night.  We each  held our lit candle, and shared stories about the blessing Joshua was in our life.  

Even in his trials, he was always a blessing.

As my friend Kelli Harris so compassionately stated, "Makes me cry and feel joy at the same time."

And that is how I feel about Joshua.  I have a million stories that bring me joy, sweet memories and peace.  But the sorrow of being apart for him for the rest of this life is more difficult than I can express.

I'm so thankful for my wonderful children, for the candles and memories we shared together at Joshua's grave on a cold, dark Christmas Eve night.

Jeremy & Kristen, Jamie & Christian, Janson & Syd, Selma, Jacob - 2017

A Tribute to Great-Grandma Selma Larson

A Tribute to Great-Grandma Selma Larson

I have often thought of Joshua in heaven, hugging his great-grandma Selma, 

and jubilantly calling "Where's Selma?"  

There is so much comfort knowing that this phrase still lives on!

Four Generation Picture

My Grandma Selma, who I was always so honored to be named after, lived about 30 miles away when Joshua was born and was in her early 80s.  She loved to call me on the phone and ask how Joshua was doing.  The beauty of her Swedish accent when she pronounced Joshua's name is one I will always treasure. There was no doubt of the love she had for Joshua, and for me, and for our entire family.  She was a beautiful, soft-spoken, sweet and wonderful grandma.  
I am so thankful to have the above 4-generation picture of my grandma, my dad, me and Joshua!

Grandma Selma holding Joshua!

A beautiful reminder of how she loved to look at Joshua!

My most cherished memories are my homemade Raggedy Ann dolls, homemade apricot jam, Saturdays at her house and climbing her apricot tree, and her delicious Swedish pancakes.  


She was a widow for many years and I love seeing the pictures of her and my grandpa dancing in their Swedish costumes.  Their faces are full of joy!

I have often thought of Joshua in heaven, hugging his great-grandma Selma, and jubilantly calling "Where's Selma?"  There is so much comfort knowing that this phrase still lives on!

My Grandma Selma died in her sleep on my 23rd birthday, when I was six months pregnant with Jeremy.  She was so excited for me to have another baby, and I know she is watching over us from heaven.  I love you Grandma!

A sweet and tender moment!

A Tribute to Grandpa & Grandma Larson - My Parents and Heroes

A Tribute to Grandpa & Grandma Larson

My Parents and Heroes

John & Carol Larson - My Wonderful Parents!

On December 18, 2014, my parents will have been married for 60 years!  I am forever thankful to be one of their 12 children!  They have sacrificed for each one of us, and their huge extended family through each one of their lives!  

My Parents with all 12 of my Siblings!

I clearly remember the day Joshua was born, and the excitement of my parents (he was the 4th of eventually 39 grandchildren).  I can still see my Dad sitting in the chair in my hospital room, and just chuckling with joy!  And my Mom was always looking for ways to help, to lift and bless my life as I adjusted to the demands of being a young mom.

Grandpa holding tight so Joshua won't run away!

And specifically with Joshua, they encouraged, babysat, took him places and especially loved him with all of their hearts.  Although Joshua could be very disruptive, he went to family birthday parties, vacations, reunions, and just loved to hang out at Grandpa & Grandma's house.  For years they gave us week-long breaks in the summer, until one day Joshua had some tough physical aggressions in the bank, and they got stuck and could not get him out.  At this point Joshua had grown much bigger and taller, and they had grown older.

Holding cousin Ashley!

Despite these challenges, they watched and support Joshua at school activities, special needs t-ball and soccer, Special Olympics and many other activities.  

One of our favorite family trips was to Zion National Park throughout Joshua's entire life, where Joshua would throw rocks, chairs, food and hats into the river.  We have many, many sweet memories of this.

They loved to hear their doorbell ring over and over, knowing that Joshua was about to burst in, saying "hi, hi, hi" and then immediately run happily into their backyard to play!  My Dad would jokingly hand me the Windex bottle because we knew by the end of our visit, Joshua's sticky fingerprints would be all over the glass sliding door and many other places.  

Joshua knew that Grandpa (Papa) and Grandma loved him, and this brought him joy throughout his life.  Enjoy some of my favorite pictures throughout the years!

Holding tight again at Zions!

At Uncle Doug's graduation.  Grandma took him everywhere!

More favorite moments with Papa!

A classic precious family picture watching slides.  Notice Joshua's obvious joy!

A Tribute to Joshua's Best Friend & Brother - Jeremy

This beautiful brotherly love is so evident!

A Tribute to Jeremy John Eisenstat

Joshua's Best Friend & Brother

How can I possibly express my gratitude for Joshua's "little big" brother Jeremy?  

The beginning of this best brother relationship began at Joshua's 2nd birthday party when my water suddenly broke!!  And Jeremy was born just under 4 hours later.  From that moment, January 26th was a special celebration of my two oldest boys!  And Jeremy and his friends always included Joshua in on the birthday celebration!  

Me with my adorable boys!

Jeremy was a very obedient child somehow knowing at an early age that I needed to hold on to Joshua, chase Joshua, and carry him all while Jeremy followed right along -- he was amazing!  Joshua loved knowing Jeremy was in the same bedroom, and many times would look over at Jeremy in the middle of the night and say "hi Jemma."  

A typical view of the fun they had!

One of my favorite stories happened when they were about 5 and 3 years old.  I had put them both to bed, but they would not stay in bed.  Over and over I would hear them out of bed, and I would go back in.  So finally, this last time, as I heard them playing and laughing, I thought I would catch them in the act and whipped open the door.  The difference in my boys stands out in my mind to this day.  Jeremy immediately "dove" back into bed and pretended he had been asleep all along!!  :)  And Joshua, looking at me with his beautiful and innocent eyes, simply said, "hi!"  Oh, how I loved my boys!!

Through the years I was always so thankful for Jeremy's love for his older brother.  Jeremy became the older brother as he matured, and Joshua stayed young, and is a blessing to all of his siblings!  

Holding tight to Joshua so he wouldn't run!

Another moment that stands out in my mind is when Joshua had an extremely hard seizure just outside the front door, and ended up with a gash, and bleeding badly.  Jeremy and I heard him thud against the front door at the same time, and worked together to hold onto him so he didn't injure himself further, and of course, we ended up with blood on us, and using all of our strength.  Jeremy said to me, "this is so hard."  I choke up just thinking about that statement still.  Yes it was extremely hard, and I am so thankful that you always rose to a greater height than I could have asked for as you loved and served him every day.



Here is the link to the talk Jeremy wrote for Joshua's funeral.
http://joshuasheartfullofhugs.blogspot.com/2013/01/brothers-forever-he-was-and-is-best-big.html

Jeremy helping his big brother!

Another sweet memory with my boys!

Joshua's joy at being with his brother!

Jeremy's hug right after they walked across the Pleasant Grove High School Graduation stage!

A Heavenly Birthday Wish

A Heavenly Birthday Wish

Every year on my birthday, a special treat I give myself is to listen to a beautiful video of Joshua wishing me a happy birthday about 15 years ago!  My incredible brother Doug captured this on video as he was trying to get Joshua to say "happy birthday" to me, his Mom.  As you can tell in the video, he was a little confused on whose birthday it was and he was very easily distracted. But there is no doubt how handsome, endearing and lovable he was too.

Here is the link to this very heavenly and beautiful birthday wish to me, his very thankful Mom!  This video is priceless beyond words!! 

https://www.facebook.com/videodoug/videos/t.658837442/10151757536781471/?type=2&video_source=user_video_tab

A Tribute to Jamie - Joshua's Only Sister

A Tribute to Jamie Donna Eisenstat

Joshua's Only Sister

Jamie's radiant and beautiful personality!

Jamie is my only daughter, and is beautiful and talented and compassionate!  Jamie loved her big brother Joshua!  Although he was pretty scary when she was very small, as she matured and gained greater understanding and compassion, Jamie became a wonderful advocate and friend for Joshua!  

Joshua (age 6), Jeremy (age 4) and Jamie

Jamie could make him laugh, and bring wonderful joy to his day!  Jamie learned all of the self-help skills and even boasted that she could pick up Joshua better than I could!

Helping Joshua  have fun at Zion National Park!

Jamie loved to help!

Joshua loved his wheelchair rides!

 Jamie helped with baths, with seizures, with eating, with playing, and with t-ball, just to mention a few.  One particularly scary experience Jamie and I had was when we were playing with Joshua at the Pleasant Grove pool, in about 4 feet of water.  Joshua had a grand mal seizure and it took both of us to hold on to him throughout the seizure in order for him not to go under the water.  I was so thankful to have a daughter so strong, and so determined and so loving!

Some of our favorite memories were when Joshua rode a horse at Special Needs Mutual, and Jamie's strength and effort to help hold him on the horse as they walked around the arena.  It took a lot to hold on to him!

Fun, sweet memories around 1010 North in Provo!

Jamie also loved taking Joshua on his two-seater special bike all around the neighborhood.  This was a special treat for both of them!  (We are so sad that this bike was stolen about a year after Joshua passed away - it would have been a sweet and treasured bike to have the rest of our lives.  Someday we still hope to get it back.)

Jamie wrote an incredible tribute to Joshua called "An Unlikely Hero".  Here is the link to her beautiful words about Joshua:

http://joshuasheartfullofhugs.blogspot.com/2013/01/anunlikely-hero-by-jamie-eisenstat.html

A Tribute to Jacob - Joshua's Sibling #4

Jacob loved his big brother!

A Tribute to Jacob Leonard Eisenstat

Joshua's Sibling #4

Joshua always got a seat in the bike trailer!

When I think of Jacob and his love for his big brother Joshua, I think of his cheerfulness and pure love, his ability to help at such a young age, and his understanding of Joshua's aggressiveness, seizures and daily struggles.  I was always impressed by Jacob and his incredible friends and how they included Joshua by playing ball with him, taking him for rides on the two-seater bike and helping him patiently at his computer.  Joshua was always happier when he was surrounded by family and friends.  There was no doubt of the happiness he felt!

Here is his huge smile at such a young age to be sharing the bike trailer with Joshua!  What you can't see in the picture is the hitting and items thrown out the trailer too. I was blessed with wonderful, patient siblings for Joshua.  And Jacob truly loved his brother!

Bonding at the campfire!

Jacob always wanted Joshua to get well!

I wonder what this conversation was all about!

This hug says it all -- pure brotherly love!