2003 - My Five Incredible Children at Janson's Baptism always loving Joshua! |
Epilepsy and Seizures -
I don't often fully explain the depth of the difficulty and anguish of watching my precious Joshua struggle with the pain and heartache of epilepsy. I will go into some minimal detail of this journey at this time, but the last five years of his life, he had an average of 2 to 5 seizures a day (ranging from petit mal (absence) seizures, atonic (drop) seizures and tonic-clock (grand mal) seizures. Since he grew to be 6'1" tall, the drop seizures were very dangerous, extremely frightening, and the grand mal seizures long and excruciating, and these seizures had us on pins and needles many days knowing he could drop fast in a split second!
I loved helping my boy! |
Uncle Mark and Joshua taking a drive with broken teeth from a recent seizure. |
And the seizures were so very, very difficult and heartbreaking.
I am so thankful for my amazing family and extended family, friends and neighbors, church friends and strangers who were ready to help, lift, strengthen and serve at any given moment. I am in awe of my incredible children - Jeremy, Jamie, Jacob and Janson - who throughout their young life were patient with his aggressiveness, loved him through his hard moments, strengthened him with his love, and showed maturity and love to their special brother that was beyond their years. They are my heros!
But what I remember shining through was Joshua's beautiful smile as the seizure would begin to subside, and the fog and pain of each seizure would clear and the light return to his eyes. And I remember the most precious word from Joshua as he would blurt out "hi". It was then I knew he would once again, be okay.
Joshua at the Pine Valley River, a spot where one seizure almost took him into the river! |
But when Elder Jeffrey R. Holland spoke at LDS General Conference in April 2013 about the family of an afflicted child, the words from the Bible, and the words from Elder Holland spoke understanding, empathy, love and compassion to my mother heart. We lived this very scripture story.
Thank you for lifting, blessing and strengthening me with these beautiful words below:
On one
occasion Jesus came upon a group arguing vehemently with His disciples.
When the Savior inquired as to the cause of this contention, the father
of an afflicted child stepped forward, saying he had approached Jesus’s
disciples for a blessing for his son, but they were not able to provide
it. With the boy still gnashing his teeth, foaming from the mouth, and
thrashing on the ground in front of them, the father appealed to Jesus
with what must have been last-resort desperation in his voice:
“If thou canst do any thing,” he said, “have compassion on us, and help us.
“Jesus said unto him, If thou canst believe, all things are possible to him that believeth.
“And straightway the father of the child cried out, and said with tears, Lord, I believe; help thou mine unbelief.”1
This
man’s initial conviction, by his own admission, is limited. But he has
an urgent, emphatic desire in behalf of his only child. We are told that
is good enough for a beginning. “Even if ye can no more than desire to believe,” Alma declares, “let this desire work in you, even until ye believe.”2 With no other hope remaining, this father asserts what faith he has and pleads with the Savior of the world, “If thou canst do any thing, have compassion on us, and help us.”3 I can hardly read those words without weeping. The plural pronoun us is obviously used intentionally. This man is saying, in effect, “Our whole family
is pleading. Our struggle never ceases. We are exhausted. Our son falls
into the water. He falls into the fire. He is continually in danger,
and we are continually afraid. We don’t know where else to turn. Can you help us? We will be grateful for anything—a partial blessing, a glimmer of hope, some small lifting of the burden carried by this boy’s mother every day of her life.”
“If thou canst do any thing,” spoken by the father, comes back to him “If thou canst believe,” spoken by the Master.4
Although Joshua was not healed from his epilepsy during his lifetime, I do know that he had many angels protecting him, surrounding him, loving him and strengthening him. I know that he felt extra love during these excruciating moments. I know that through the tears and anguish, our prayers were answered as we were given emotional healing, additional strength and comfort and love, even more than we will understand fully in this life.
https://www.lds.org/ensign/2013/05/lord-i-believe.p1?lang=eng
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