Adventures in Church - Page 3

1,101 Church Meetings -- Page 3

A Surprise Meeting

 

  

 All of the challenges and experiences in church, week after week, year after year, made this next incident even more surprising.  There was one Sunday when Joshua seemed to have just disappeared during church.  He wasn’t in his class; he wasn’t in the hallway; he wasn’t walking around outside the church.  As I started to feel more and more anxious to find Joshua, I decided to just peak into the chapel, where the neighboring ward was in the process of holding their Sacrament Meeting.  As my eyes scanned the congregation, suddenly I spotted my tall, skinny and handsome son, sitting still and very reverent, right in the middle of another Sacrament Meeting!  I couldn’t understand how this same young man who was very hyperactive and busy in our own Sacrament meetings could sit so still in this one.  I could only attribute it to the fact that somehow he knew he wasn’t suppose to be in there, and the result was that he was finally able to sit very still.  I’m sure there was a very good chance that Joshua handed out a hymnbook or two before I saw him in the chapel.

The Joy at American Fork Jr. High

The Joy at American Fork Jr. High

3 Years of the Miracles of Inclusion and Love

They taught, they loved, they had vision and they always brought joy to Joshua's life,

and thus to mine as well.




Joshua and Kendle at a Special Olympics Track Meet

 A few days ago I was visiting my parents in St. George, Utah.  On Sunday, we attended their church meetings at their LDS Ward.  After the first meeting (Sacrament Meeting), we helped my 89 year-old dad into the foyer to wait for my mom to bring him home.  By the time we helped him and said hi to some friends the Sunday School class was half-way over.  But I still wanted to attend Sunday School, and get at least half the lesson.  We peeked in the first door but that side of the classroom was full.  We then went in the other door and found a nice spot to the side without creating too much distraction by walking in late.  Eager to hear the lesson, I then looked at the teacher, and was completely shocked to see Joshua's amazing and beautiful teacher from American Fork Jr. High, Kendle Salisbury!  As I looked at her, she gave a slight wave, but continued on with her lesson.  I was overwhelmed with the joy of seeing her, of remembering three miraculous years at American Fork Jr. High and all that Joshua had learned and experienced because of her dedication, love and hard work.  Her lesson was on trials, and I couldn't help but to think about Joshua and his daily adversity, but with the accompanying blessings that continuously came our way.  And we were so blessed to have Kendle for his teacher.  Kendle's aid, Carroll Barlow, also gave him so much time, attention and love.  They taught, they loved, they had vision and they always brought joy to Joshua's life, and thus to mine as well.

Some of the highlights for Joshua from age 13 to 16 at American Fork Jr. High included:

• being an office aid and learning to walk by himself from his classroom to the main office (it was priceless to be a silent observer and watch this great accomplishment);
• learning to get his food in the cafeteria, eat at the table and then throw his trash in the garbage and return the tray;
• increased computer skills (which he loved);
• participating in a choir concert (it was thrilling to watch him stand with the choir, even though he didn't sing even one note);
• high fives, hugs and handshakes to junior high students every day and bringing smiles to many, many faces.

These few highlights are just the beginning of hundreds of experiences.  This post will likely grow as memories are brought to the surface.  Kendle and Carroll's influences live on in our hearts with gratitude and love for giving Joshua the gifts of learning, acceptance, experiences and love.  I can never thank them enough. 
 
I was truly overcome with deep gratitude, joy and love when I saw Kendle a few days ago.  I miss Joshua every day, and ache to see him again.  When I saw Kendle, and know of her love and sacrifice for Joshua, this brings him closer to me.  And so when she posted the following picture and thoughts on my Facebook, I was overwhelmed with the mutual feeling of friendship and understanding that came through my very special son.

From Kendle Salisbury

In the middle of my Gospel Doctrine lesson, I had a beautiful gift walk into my class. Selma is the mom of Joshua who was in my Special Education Life Skills class for 3yrs when I taught at AF Jr. High many years ago. He passed away several years ago but I still think of him often. He taught me so much! He brought so much joy to everyone he knew with his High Fives and great attitude! Thank you Selma for making my day!

"Where's Selma" - My Favorite Phrase

“WHERE’S SELMA”

 “… everyone in our group knows Josh, and one of his anchors is to know

where Selma is at any given moment. “Where’s Selma?” can be heard throughout the evening.”

(Eric Linfield, Special Needs Mutual 2005)

As Joshua and I walked down the aisle at the store, he quickly spied his next “target”, tapped them about ten times on the arm to get their attention, then lifted up his hands in his awkward and  questioning gesture, and enthusiastically asked “Where’s Selma?”  That particular stranger at the moment looked startled and slightly confused at the question (Joshua’s pronunciation can be difficult to understand), and at the innocence and sincerity of this six foot one, adult man.  He really wanted to be told the answer to his question!  Once I saw the confused look, or our new friend ask “what?”, I had mastered my reply by quickly telling the stranger, “He’s asking where Selma is!  And I’m Selma.  I’m his Mom.  And I’m right here.”  And we usually ended up having a good laugh together, and then introducing Joshua as he would give them either a handshake, high five or a hug.  We have met hundreds of people throughout the years.  And sometimes in just one errand or activity, we could have met even dozens of people! 

The endearing things about this very typical question of Joshua’s is that he asked where I was when I was right there, or when I was gone.  He would ask the question almost the moment I would walk out the door, and he would ask his school teachers throughout the day.  His pronunciation was priceless, and his sincerity about finding me – even when I was already standing beside him – provided many moments of laughter and memories.  I loved how he called me “Selma” most of the time, and “Mom” sometimes.  I felt the love in his voice and the bond that we shared just by that simple two word phrase.

I miss hearing this special phrase from my special boy!  My brother Doug was able to capture it on video about five times!  This is always a treat to watch.  But since I cannot hear it 100 times a day, I can see it every day on my car license plate.  So if you happen to see my license plate, you can smile to remember a tall, skinny, handsome and friendly young man who loved to know exactly where his Mom was at all times!  

One Sunday, I sat in the congregation, thoroughly enjoying the church services that the special needs youth and leaders were speaking at, and feeling so happy that my handsome young man was a very visible and audible part of this wonderful program.  The next speaker was Eric Linfield, a wonderful leader who was a true friend to Joshua.  Eric started his talk, and as he spoke I soon realized that the theme of his talk was “Where’s Selma.”  I was overwhelmed with gratitude and joy with the beauty and symbolism of his words about the relationship that Joshua and I shared.  This talk was given just seven months before Joshua passed away and has been such a blessing and comfort to me throughout the time before Joshua’s death, and even more so after his death.

Some excerpts from Eric's talk have blessed my life:

Good Morning Brothers and Sisters

My name is Brother Eric Linfield,  I am the Second Counselor in the Young Men’s Presidency of the North Utah County Special Needs Youth Group.

Since most of you do not know who or what we do, I would like to share some facts with you.  We serve an area of 300 square miles which encompasses about 43 stakes, Orem Center Street North to point of the mountain, Eagle Mountain to Alpine. We have 46 Special Needs Boys and 58 Special Needs girls. Because this is a youth program, the members need to be 12 years or older. Our youngest member is 12, and our oldest, is about 58. Each youth is paired with a youth counselor, priest or laurel age, called from the stake on a 9 month mission to serve every Thursday evening from 6:45 to 8:30 August thru May.

Each adult leader is called for a three year position. This is my fourth year. The first three I was a assistant scout master. We have done about 15 merit badges over the last 4 years, gone horse back riding, bowling, camping and the best, dancing. Last year we had a Prom, hosted by 5 young adult wards. Each young woman was a prom queen, and each young man was an escort. You see in their eyes, each of us is that special. The Lord has blessed each of us whom have served with this special vision.

Where’s Selma?!

When I started with the special needs mutual four years ago, I never knew where my journey would take me. While Selma is a real person we have all learned to admire and love, I would like to explain the title of my discussion.

You see Selma was an ordinary woman, with ordinary hopes and dreams. She had dreams of typical family experiences, Newborns, teenagers, missionaries, weddings, and grandchildren. Selma has described these dreams as planning a trip to Italy to see all the ruins and historical sites, only to board a plane bound for her dream experience and winding up in Holland. All her friends had gone to Italy and reported of the great and beautiful things found in Italy, but she would never see Italy, she was “stuck” in Holland. You see Selma became the parent of a special needs child.

All of our special needs parents have similar experiences to Selma’s so why the Name for my talk. Well, everyone in our group knows Josh, and one of his anchors is to know where Selma is at any given moment. “Where’s Selma?” can be heard throughout the evening. Selma is Josh’s Mom. During my four years serving with the special needs I have watched this phenomenon with the special needs youth. Each one always wants to know where their Selma is.

So “where’s Selma, well Selma is that person in our life that we know, no matter what, will be there to comfort us, fight for us, or just listen to us. Selma is that one person that no matter how bad things are going we can look to for a smile that will make everything right.  Selma can be our spouse, our children, our friends, or those that serve with us. She is the smile and a hug that we receive at the end of a long day. She is the partner we have the opportunity to serve with, either as a youth counselor, special needs youth, Assistant Scout Master, young woman’s advisor, or the young men’s president that does the Macarena with you in the middle of all this chaos.

Of course, we all have a Selma available to us at any given moment, he is our savior Jesus Christ, our brother, and our friend who is constantly there watching and listening, just waiting to help us along our path. So if you find yourself in Holland instead of Italy, enjoy the flowers, majestic windmills, or just the beautiful people that surround you. There is truly  beauty all around, when we have love for another.

I have been truly blessed to serve in this calling, and to meet all the parents of the special needs youth and the counselors that serve faithfully every Thursday during the school year. Everyone enters into this calling thinking they will be serving, everyone with out exception has left being served. So don’t worry about finding Selma, she is right there in your hearts, and in the smiles, high-fives, and hugs of those around you. Don’t be afraid to give hugs, high-fives, and smiles a try, you just might discover a whole new dream.

Thank you Eric for giving me a priceless gift of words and thoughts that I will treasure always.

Joshua at a Special Needs Mutual activity!

The Scout Salute

The Scout Salute

 I believe that he thought that this was something just between me and him,

our own little secret handshake if you will.

 

I was so excited when Joshua turned 8 years old and could become a Cub Scout!  Of course, everything had to be adapted to his abilities, but when Richard Harkness was assigned to be his Scout Leader, we started a journey in Scouts of wonderful experiences full of kindness, fun and gratitude.  When Richard showed up on his bike, and rode Joshua to Scouts, with his enthusiasm, huge smile and warmth, I was full of gratitude and joy.  There was no doubt that Joshua would be welcomed and loved.  I will always treasure the Scout salute that Richard was faithfully and patiently taught Joshua.  It became their own special "hello" because Joshua knew when he saw Richard, he would do the Scout salute, in his cute Joshua style, in honor of his special friend.  [I am still looking for pictures to attach to this post, and will add them when I find them!'
 
I asked Richard to describe a few of the amazing experiences they had.  In his own words, here are a few of Joshua's Scout experiences:

 ___________

 

Where do I start? Joshua was a joy to have in my Scout group. I remember thinking that it would take some doing to get him to merge with the other boys, but Joshua made it easy. He won everyone over in 5 minutes. He was this wonderful little boy in this tall body, full of energy and wonder. I remember the first time he jumped on my back. I don’t remember if I asked him to or not. I would believe either way. And off we went for a ride.

It took a while for him to catch on the Scout salute, but eventually he got the idea and from then on it was 20 salutes/meeting. I believe that he thought that this was something just between me and him, our own little secret handshake if you will.

Once when we were working on the first aid merit badge, I wondered what I could have him do. Then it came to me. I explained that we needed someone to be the person who was hurt so we could fix him. We got Joshua to lay down and I believe that he loved the attention. A sling here, a splint there, a bandage all over. Lift the legs, he is going into shock! What fun to remember being a part of his special life. Thanks for the memories.